56 sparksChapter 1: Minion In A Nutshell
Minion: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable...
Minion: ...and assault with a deadly weapon.
Chapter 2: Idiot Wayne
Wayne: Do you ever think? Because I don't.
Chapter 3: Self Aware
Megamind: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the actual fuck am I doing?
Chapter 4: Useful Tips
Minion, on his YouTube channel: Remember, when burying evidence, be sure to cover it with endangered plants so it's illegal to dig up.
Minion: Subscribe for more gardening tips!
Chapter 5: Greatest Enemy
I'm pretty sure I actually created this one myself...
Megamind: Ah yes, my greatest enemy; the consequences of my actions, we meet again.
Chapter 6: Someday
Megamind: You know, I always wanted to be somebody.
Wayne: You probably should have been more specific.
Chapter 7: Beard
Roxanne, about the Bernard Incident: You aren't jealous, are you?
Wayne: No, of course not.
Roxanne: Good, 'cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.
Chapter 8: What? And Let Him Be RIGHT?
//A reporter is asking Megamind about wooing Roxanne, despite having been a Supervillain until recently
Megamind: Well, I'd like to thank my (alien word), Minion, for my success.
Megamind: He told me that she'd pick Metro Man anyways, so I shouldn't even bother trying.
Reporter: Why would you thank him for that..?
Megamind: I'm incredibly stubborn and a literal genius; it was basically guaranteed I'd date her the moment he said it was impossible.
Chapter 9: Family Dynamics
//Grumpy Supervillain Megamind is closed off
Megamind, during a break out: [enters Warden's office with De-Gun in hand] So, how are you doing?
Warden: I'm good. You and Minion?
Megamind: Yes yes, we're fine.
Megamind: ...See ya, I guess! [Leaves quickly]
Warden, sighing: Well, that's my monthly dose of Megamind.
//Grumpy Supervillain Megamind starts opening up again
Megamind: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four-to-five seconds.
Warden: FORTY-FIVE SECONDS?!
Megamind: No! I said four TO five!
Warden, hugging Megamind: Too late, kid.
Chapter 10: Part Of The Team
Warden: Where’s Megamind?
Roxanne: [shrugs] Doing stuff.
Warden: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Metro Man?
Roxanne: Trying to stop Megamind from doing the stuff.
Warden: And Minion?
Roxanne: Trying to stop Metro Man from stopping Megamind from doing the stuff.
Warden: I see. And what are you doing here, Miss Ritchi?
Roxanne: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Minion from stopping Wayne from stopping Megamind from doing the stuff.
Warden: Aren't you supposed to be a hostage?
Roxanne, twirling the De-Gun in one hand: Well, yes, but now you're a hostage with me.
Warden: ...
Roxanne, deadpan: Oh no, I hope someone saves us soon.
Chapter 11: Ooh, Pretty Lights!
Megamind: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.
Warden: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.
Chapter 12: Spoilsport
Roxanne is 100% willing to break the law in pursuit of a news story, and absolutely no-one can change my mind.
Roxanne: I have a plan.
Metro Man: Good! As long as it doesn't involve bribery, blackmail, breaking-and/or-entering, stealing, or falsifying evidence, I’m open to hearing it.
Roxanne: …
Metro Man: …
Roxanne: Well, if you're going to be like that, I'll just go ask Megamind for help instead.
Chapter 13: Do Gold Stars Count As 'A's?
Gay!Wayne is my favorite headcanon that I should've figured out on my own but didn't. :)
Wayne: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight.
Chapter 14: I Just Want To Be In A Band
Metro Man is sooo done XD
Wayne, on TV: Hi, I'm Metro Man, and only you can prevent forest fires... seriously, it has to be you. I'm sure as Hell not gonna do it. Learn some self-reliance, you little–
Minion, watching TV: Sir! Mr Scott had another breakdown! Televised this time!
Chapter 15: Bad Ideas
Cop: You ran a red light.
Megamind: So did you, hypocrite.
Cop: I was following you.
Megamind: That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver.
Cop: Get out.
Chapter 16: Presentation!
Megamind: My life isn't as glam-oh-roos as my wanted poster makes it look.
Megamind, piloting a giant robot: [cackles] It's even moreso!
Chapter 17: Damsel
Warden: Sorry, who are you?
Roxanne: Oh, I’m Roxanne.
Warden: Oh yeah, I’ve heard about you from Blu– Megamind.
Warden: Are you his friend or something?
Roxanne: No.
Roxanne: I’m his professional hostage.
Chapter 18: That Tracks
Megamind: I'm a firm believer in 'if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly.'
Chapter 19: Counterparts
Wayne: The risk I took was calculated... But, man, am I bad at math.
--alt--
Megamind: The risk I took was calculated... But I'm usually way better at math.
Chapter 20: Innocent
Megamind: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.
Roxanne: ...
Roxanne: I'm gonna tell him.
Minion: Don't you dare.
Chapter 21: Weirdly Works The Other Way Around As Well
Wayne, shooing Megamind away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.
Chapter 22: What Are You Doing In Here?
This is probably teenaged them in highschool.
Wayne: Oh, my God. Do you know what this is?
Megamind: It’s a book. There’s a lot of those in here, this is a library.
Chapter 23: Wayne Does Not Want To Be Here
Roxanne: Your smile looks forced.
Metro Man: That’s because it is.
Chapter 24: Wanna Try Again, Buddy?
Roxanne: I called you like ten times! Why didn’t you pick up?
Wayne: [remembers dancing to the ringtone]
Wayne: I didn’t hear it.
Roxanne: ...
Roxanne: You have superhearing!
Chapter 25: Sleep Deprived
Megamind: I’m not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I’m not passionate about.
Roxanne: What are you passionate about?
Minion: Unfortunately, not sleeping.
Chapter 26: Roxanne Is A Tiny Ball Of Knives
Roxanne, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.
Chapter 27: Tighten's Creepy... :(
Hal's a jackass.
Hal: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation.
Megamind: So you're just going to wait until Miss Ritchi is in danger and save her?
Hal: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts her in danger and then save her.
Megamind: ...
Megamind: You're insane.
Chapter 28: Weird Rant Thing That I Didn't Write But Agree With
I found this on an Incorrect Quotes generator and actually agree with it; joking about murder isn't really okay.
What is this quote from? It seems interesting...
Metro Man: I’m a reverse necromancer!
Megamind: Isn’t that just–
Roxanne: No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You are literally so fucking unfunny that it hurts. It physically hurts my body knowing that people still think murder is funny. I can't believe I'm saying this but do you guys know how chronically online you all are, thinking that saying 'oOh iM a rEVeRsE nECrOmANcER i LOvE tO kiLL pEOpLe' is genuinely funny and will get everyone in the room shitting themselves from laughter?? cause it's not. It’s fucking not. In fact, it's the unfunniest fucking joke ever. Not just any joke about killing people. This one specifically. Its so unfunny and stupid. Nobody is fucking laughing at that, Metro Man. It makes you look like a greasy emo kid who has never been outside once in their life and uses tumblr religiously. Like not even the funny side of tumblr. the fucking unfunny side filled with overused jokes about murder and illegal acts. Honestly, you're so unfunny, Metro Man. Fuck you.
Chapter 29: Let Me Live My Life (At The Expense Of Yours)
This is basically exactly what happened in the movie.
Music Man: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.
Megamind, gritting his teeth: Metro Man, please; you're a Superhero, this is what you do!
Music Man: What part of 'shorn’t' don’t you understand?
Chapter 30: Again, Basically What Happened
Citizens: Did you bring Metro Man?
Roxanne, gesturing to Megamind: No, but I brought the next best thing.
Citizens: A Supervillain? The next best thing would be that weird fish!
Megamind: I would be offended, but Minyon is surprisingly good in a cry-sass.
Chapter 31: Faith
Roxanne: You really believe in Megamind?
Minion: Mmm… Luckily, Sir believes in himself enough for the both of us.
Chapter 32: Grudges
Roxanne: Hey, we still need that!
Minion, holding Metro Man over a trash can: Nope.
Roxanne: Gimme—
Megamind: It’s garbage.
Chapter 33: I'm Imagining A Spinny Chair In A Dark Office
And thus ends but the first installment of this series ;)
Megamind: I've been expecting you, Metro Man.
Metro Man: How did you do that without turning around?
Megamind: Let's just say the first few people I did that to were not you.
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Comments carried over from AO3 (16)
These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.
OK, that was adorable and very very Minion. But where are the rest of the words?? The stats says this is 1,198. Minion needs to say more!!
There's multiple chapters, maybe that isn't showing up for some reason? I'm glad you like it 😊
🤣
👍
You’re FUN!
Aw, thanks 😊
I loved this one ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm glad you loved it! It really is one of the better quotes in here.
Amazing ❤️❤️
It fits him so well, right?
Glad you liked it. :)
😂😂❤️❤️
🦸♂️🗑️ 😂
Glad you liked it 😊
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💙💙💙💙
I love this!
Oh hell yeah, Megamind chaos!
we’ve all been there
canon
this happened, trust
I myself am 🧡💛🤍🩵💙
🏳️🌈 wayne is the best
SLAAAAAY
These were hilarious🤣🤣🤣
Minion: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable...
Minion: ...and assault with a deadly weapon.
Megamind: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.
Warden: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.
Especially liked these two😁😁😁
Thank you! I'm glad you liked them! 😊
<33
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