42 sparksChapter 1: Orange Juice
Megamind: Do we have any orange juice left?
Roxanne: [pours the last of the orange juice into her cup]
Roxanne: Sorry, we're all out.
Chapter 2: Sweaters
Megamind: I like wearing oversized sweaters.
Roxanne: Aww, that's–
Megamind: Not just because they are ex-trehm-ahly comfy and cuddly, but as well because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.
Roxanne: ...
Roxanne: At least now I know why Minion makes all your clothes so tight.
Chapter 3: Sleeeeeep
Megamind: Sometimes I think I'm hearing voices.
Megamind: Then I realize it's just the last whispers of my sanity trying to get me to fall asleep at a res-oh-nable hour.
Roxanne: When did Minion change his name to 'My Sanity'?
Chapter 4: Up In Flames
Roxanne: Why are you burning our marriage certificate?!
Megamind: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt!
Roxanne: ...
Roxanne: Sweetie, that isn't how that works.
Chapter 5: Confessions
Roxanne: I have to say, this plot really isn't your best work.
Megamind: Can you cut me some slack, Miss Ritchi? I'm distracted!
Roxanne: Distracted?
Megamind: I'm, uh... I'm sort of in love.
Roxanne: Sorry, but that isn't really my problem.
Megamind: I'm in love with you.
Roxanne, blushing: Oh. That brings me into the loop a little.
Chapter 6: If You Wish
Roxanne: Were you seriously willing to kill Metro Man just because you thought I wanted you to?
Megamind: That's not important.
Roxanne: I DISAGREE.
Chapter 7: I Didn't Mean To! (Glad You Did)
Roxanne, flirting: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart.
Megamind, upset: I'm sorry, I'm a kleptomaniac! I'll give it back as soon as I find it, I promise.
Roxanne: ...
Roxanne: You are the sweetest, most ridiculous man I know.
Chapter 8: In Reverse
//Trying to figure out career prospects besides Supervillainy
Megamind: A banker? Me?
Roxanne: Yeah, why not?
Megamind: I don't know the first thing about running a bank!
Roxanne: Good. No preconceived notions, then.
Megamind: I've robbed banks!
Roxanne: Perfect! Just reverse your thinking; the money should be on the inside.
Chapter 9: Zoo
//At a zoo for the first time
Megamind: I didn't know animals could be arrested. I'm glad the Warden didn't let civilians come gawk at me like this.
Roxanne: Sweetheart, this isn't a prison. The animals aren't in jail.
Megamind: So they can leave?
Roxanne: Well, no...
Megamind, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one's in for grand larceny; he's got the same look in his eyes as my Uncle Otto.
Chapter 10: Tattletale
Megamind: I know the plan might not be the safest, but you can't stop me from doing it anyways.
Roxanne: I'll tell Minion.
Megamind: Wait, no, I'll stop.
Chapter 11: Animal Alien
Roxanne: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Megamind: Even better!
Roxanne: Please tell me you didn't steal–
Megamind: [holds up a chicken] Her name is Fluffy.
Chapter 12: Difference In Opinion
There was definitely a gap between when each of them fell in love XD
Megamind, staring lovingly at Roxanne: I would die for you.
Roxanne, smiling sweetly: Then perish.
Chapter 13: Life Is Like
Pain = heartbreak, he's still scared she'll dump him :(
Megamind: Life is like Roxanne; it's short, fiery, and likely to bring me pain — yet I love it.
Chapter 14: Come Out Of Your Shell
Megamind: I try to avoid pointless group activities. You know, like shool Christmas parties or jury duty. To me, the most awful sound in the universe is that mangled first note of your 'peers' singing Happy Birthday.
Roxanne: Cool stance. Counterpoint: these are free cupcakes.
Roxanne: Get over yourself and take one.
Chapter 15: Petting Zoo
Megamind: How do I know if a zoo is a petting zoo or not?
Roxanne: Every zoo is a petting zoo, unless you’re a coward.
Chapter 16: Date Night
Megamind: This date is boring!
Roxanne: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.
Megamind: Then why did you invite me?
Roxanne: I didn't, I specifically said 'don't come with me', then you said, 'you aren't the boss of me!' and came anyways.
Roxanne: Go home if you're bored.
Megamind, whispering: You know, if I took you hostage to steal these gro-sa-ries, you'd get them for free with zero legal rep-ahr-coo-sins.
Roxanne: ...
Roxanne: Okay, but don't forget the milk this time.
Chapter 17: Poke It With A Stick!
Roxanne: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means 'there are bees here, let's leave immediately'? Why are elephants more advanced than us?
Megamind: You do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:
Megamind: 'There are bees here, let's leave immediately.'
Roxanne: ...
Megamind: My people, on the other hand, would've gone a bit more like this:
Megamind: [inhuman screeching]
Megamind: It translates roughly to 'horrible tiny stripey bullet monsters... Of death'.
Roxanne: ...You did something stupid and got stung when you were younger, didn't you?
Megamind: Admittedly, 'Operation: See If Bees Like X' did have some flaws, yes
Chapter 18: Destiny
//The job hunt continues! Megamind is substitute teaching...
Student: What did you just say?
Megamind: I said, 'whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a hoe!'
---later---
Roxanne: How did you get sent home with a note from the principal's office??
Megamind, shrugging: It's a gift.
Megamind: Which reminds me; I, uh, can't make our date on Sunday.
Roxanne: Why not?
Megamind: ...I have detention.
Chapter 19: Just Visiting!
//Talking on the phone*
Megamind: Remember how I said that Minyon and I were going to have a calm night out for once?
Roxanne: Yeah…
Megamind: Well, we’re in jail–
Roxanne: [hangs up]
Chapter 20: Idiot Savant
Megamind: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole apartment smell like eggs.
Roxanne: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic.
Megamind: Minyon's bad enough, you and the smoke detector need to get off my case.
Chapter 21: How That Dinner Could've Gone
Yeah, being allowed to explain himself after the Bernard incident probably still wouldn't have ended well.
Megamind: Just think about it; you’ve always been nice to me.
Megamind: I mean, you listen to all my problems–
Roxanne: Megamind, I'm tied up while you monologue, there’s a big difference!
Chapter 22: Poorly Kept Secrets
Roxanne: Our relationship is strictly professional.
Megamind, sitting on Roxanne's lap: Absolutely. Purely business.
Chapter 23: Why Minion Usually Handles The Kidnapping
Roxanne: Megamind? You just drove through a stop sign without stopping.
Megamind: I'll stop twice on the way back.
Roxanne: And you forgot to put my blindfold on.
Megamind: Just close your eyes.
Roxanne: And the knots in this rope are loose.
Megamind: Miss Ritchi, I'm trying to–
Roxanne: [slips out of the rope, grabs De-Gun, points it at him]
Megamind: Ah, shit.
Chapter 24: These Seem Like They Go Together
Megamind: You're pretty, you're smart, and you're ignoring me, so you're obviously my type.
Roxanne, who was distracted: I'm sorry, what were you saying?
Megamind: Perfect.
Roxanne: I love you.
Megamind, not paying attention: What was that?
Roxanne: I said I’m selling you to the zOo–
Chapter 25: Oblivious
Roxanne, flirty: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?
Megamind, confused: Do you not know how to..?
Chapter 26: Halloween
AKA: Megamind's failed attempt at flirting!
Just realized it's October 1st — perfect! 😁 🎃
Megamind: Listen, in the wild wild west there is always a woman in the saloon and nobody messes with her even though they all have guns.
Roxanne: That's because she's a prostitute.
Megamind: No, it's because she doesn't *need* a gun to have the respect of everyone in town. Both sides leave her alone because she's just that witty and amazing.
Roxanne: Megamind, I don't really think that's true.
Megamind: Well, it's true enough for a group costume. Minion needs your dress size.
Chapter 27: Go With The Flow
Megamind: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight.
Roxanne: Actually, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.
Chapter 28: Kitty! 😍
And thus ends Part Two (Of Six!)
Roxanne: I'm very scary.
Megamind, nodding: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.
Roxanne: Wet kittens are cute, so at least I've got that going for me.
Megamind: And small.
Roxanne: ...
Roxanne: Yeah, yeah. I guess.
Megamind: And basically made out of claws, teeth, and uncontainable fury.
Roxanne: ...You meant it as a good thing, didn't you?
Megamind, confused: Of course I did! Have you ever fought a wet cat?
Megamind: Adorable, yes, but one of the most dangerous things I've ever lived through.
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Comments carried over from AO3 (11)
These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.
Hmm? The stats says this is 1,248 words. But I count only 24. Is part of this hidden?
That's weird. There's multiple chapters, maybe that's why?
This is my favorite thing to do if people annoy me. I can relate.
XD
Glad you like it! :)
I did not expect this! I read it on break and you made me laugh 😆 so much! Kudos - I love this format.
I love knowing I made someone laugh! I'm so glad you enjoyed it 😊
😂😂❤️❤️
Glad you enjoyed. 😊
XD yup! Accurate!
Glad you enjoy 😊
... It's true!
i love oversized clothes
aw
yes
DISCWORLD QUOTE YESSSSSSSS
You've captured their relationship perfectly😁
"Roxanne: Our relationship is strictly professional.
Megamind, sitting on Roxanne's lap: Absolutely. Purely business."
This!🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed 😊
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