In The Lair

Chapter 1: Credit And Blame

Megamind: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me.

Minion: Whatever you need to tell yourself, Sir.

Chapter 2: Betrayal

Minion: Sir, you need to go to bed.

Megamind, extremely sleep deprived: [gestures at a Brainbot] Mr Wires says I can stay up as long as I want. And that you're plotting against me, how could you–!

Megamind, slumping in his chair: Zzzzz...

Minion: ...

Minion, turning to Brainbot: What the Hell, Mr Wires!

Chapter 3: Jealousy

//Before they knew Roxanne was only fake-dating Metro Man

Minion: They sure make a cute couple, don't they?

Megamind: They certainly are two people standing next to each other.

Chapter 4: Vote Of No Confidence

Megamind: I asked Miss Ritchi out!

Minion: I'm sorry, Sir. Should I have the Brainbots prepare the comfort room?

Megamind: Wha– no! Minyon, she said yes.

Minion: Oh. That's an... Interesting choice on her part, then.

Chapter 5: Questions

Minion: Sir, what do you call someone you go out with but don't try to sleep with?

Megamind: ...Roxanne?

Minion: Not what I meant, but that does make me feel a little less worried about your date tonight.

Chapter 6: Nope

Minion: Sir! Have you no dignity?

Megamind: Of course not, Minyon! Seriously, how long have we know each other?

Chapter 7: Unexpected

Minion, after being gone for barely half a day: Sir, the Lair is a mess!

Megamind: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess?

Minion, annoyed: Your life?

Megamind, stunned: I– well yes, but–

Chapter 8: Wrong!

Megamind: I am literally evil incarnate.

Megamind: Well, I’m not actually, I just really enjoy being evil.

Megamind: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort.

Megamind: In the end, I'm just a truly horrible person. 

//Brainbot floats in with a broken claw

Megamind, cooing: Oh, my poor baby! Come here, let Daddy make it all better Precious–

Chapter 9: No I Wasn't!

//A loud crash comes from deep inside the Lair. A few minutes later, Megamind and Minion appear from the general direction of the noise

Roxanne, tied up: What the hell was that?

Megamind: Nothing to be concerned about, Miss Ritchi, my... Shirt fell!

Roxanne: It sounded a lot heavier than that.

Minion: He was in it.

Chapter 10: Strike

//Janitorial Brainbots have gone on strike. It's been... stressful.

Minion: So I’m the only one around here who can clean up, huh? You can't even lift a finger?

Megamind: Do I get to pick the finger?

Chapter 11: Safety Measures (In Reverse)

Megamind, to Minion: You know, humans can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary pre-caw-shones when approaching.

Megamind: [blows airhorn at crowd] GET FUCKED!

Chapter 12: Smoke And Mirrors

Minion: I am a ninja.

Megamind: No, you’re not.

Minion: Did you see me do that, Sir?

Megamind: Do what?

Minion: Exactly.

Megamind: Minyon, my brain pro-sasses things faster than your top possible movement speed.

Megamind: So unless you somehow approached the speed of light–

Minion: I did.

Megamind: What? No, you didn't.

Minion: Then where's the De-Gun, Sir?

Megamind: Right here– or it was, what the–?

Minion, holding up the De-Gun: Ninja.

Megamind: What?!

//Brainbots: we steal from Daddy. Hehehe, we baddest boys!

Chapter 13: Running Gag

Megamind, at Minion's funeral: I need a moment with him.

Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. [leaves]

Megamind, leaning over Minion's coffin-tank: Okay, listen here you dramafish; I know you’re not dead.

Minion, opening his eyes: Yeah, no shit, Sir.

Chapter 14: In Wuv

Megamind: Look, I know you think my judg-mahnt's clouded because I like Roxanne a little bit.

Minion, holding Megamind's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation, Sir.

Megamind: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Minion: My mistake.

Chapter 15: Biology

Megamind: Minyon? I mixed Redbull with coffee and now I can see sounds, should I worry?

Minion: Sir, I swear to God–

Chapter 16: Harsh

Megamind: Miss Ritchi is mad at me, and I'm not sure why.

Minion: Okay, Sir, did you monologue before she got upset?

Megamind: ...yes?

Minion: There you go, then.

Chapter 17: Maybe I Should Just Call This Fic 'Date Night'

Minion: Remember, Sir, don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Megamind: I think I crossed that line when I got a date!

Chapter 18: Author Is Tired And Not Thinking Up Proper Chapter Names

Megamind: I only have 6 weeks left to live.

Minion: Oh my God, Sir, really?!

Megamind: It's just a guesstimate based on my general life choices.

Megamind: Then again, my guesstimates tend to be frighteningly accurate, so...

Chapter 19: Whoopsie-Doodle

Megamind: Good news! I didn’t screw up!

Minion: ...

Megamind: I screwed up less badly than usual!

Minion: ...

Megamind: Screwed up with less immediate consequences than usual?

Minion: ...

Megamind: Come on, man, I need a win!

Minion: [sighs] Very good job, Sir.

Megamind: [happy alien noises]

Chapter 20: Depends On The Culture, Actually

Megamind: [wakes Minion at 3am] Pretty messed up that humans de-pact the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Minyon? Wake up, Minyon! Listen! They're sexless!

Minion: The sun isn't a rock, Sir, go back to sleep.

Chapter 21: But It Does

Minion: Are you alright with constructive criticism, Sir? I'd hate to sound mean.

Megamind: No, go ahead, my main man. I want to hear it.

Minion: The plan sucks, Sir.

Megamind: That's not constructive criticism.

Chapter 22: Adorable, Violent Little Fish

Megamind: Hey Minyon, I have an idea for how to deal with my crush on Miss Ritchi.

Minion, pulling out the De-Gun: Yes, Sir?

Megamind: Wh– No! That’s not the idea, Minyon!

Chapter 23: Minecraft

//Megamind and Minion are playing minecraft

Megamind: Oh no, oh no, oh no–

Minion: What’s wrong, Si?

Megamind: I did a thing.

Minion: You regret the thing you dID-

Megamind: [screams]

Minion: What the fuck did you do– [sees mass of aggravated Piglin] Oh shit!

Megamind: [screams again]

Chapter 24: Big Bang Theory

Minion: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you, Sir.

Megamind: This is a sports-related in-joo-ry, Minyon — it makes me look cool!

Minion: Respectfully, Sir; tripping over a basketball on your way to the bathroom is not cool.

Chapter 25: Manchild

Megamind: You’re giving me a sticker?

Minion: Not just a sticker, Sir. That is a sticker of a kitty saying 'me-wow!'

Megamind: I’m not a pre-shooler.

Minion: Okay, I’ll take it back–

Megamind: I earned this, back off!

Chapter 26: Yeah, Right

Minion: This is important, Sir, so I'm going to ask you to be respectful.

Megamind: I will politely decline.

Chapter 27: Burn

Megamind: Minyon, I screwed up, big time.

Minion: Sir, given your daily life experiences, I'm afraid you’re going to have to be more specific.

Chapter 28: Stars, I'm Actually Tired Enough To Relate

Minion: Do you need help getting up, Sir?

Megamind: Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor.