Florida Man Wears Underwear On Outside And Attacks People With Condiments — Declares Himself King
Today in Florida, an as-yet unidentified man took to the streets with modified water guns filled with ketchup, mustard, mayo, and relish. He was reportedly dressed in scuba gear, with his underwear on the outside.
The man robbed several convenience stores and terrorized the general populace for several hours, only to later be found tied up in an alley, claiming a demon caught him.
Witnesses say he was visibly unhinged and continuously ranting, calling himself King and talking to thin air. One of our reporters managed to get a quote before he was taken away by police:
"The clown made me do it, man! It was that damned clown!"
Police have no comment on how the man evaded authorities for so long while carrying nothing worse than what you might find in a twelfth-grade food fight.
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