Ideas

Chapter 10: How The Fearsome Five Decides To Quit Villainy And Go To Hawai'i!

What if, from Quackerjack's perspective, he was trapped with Paddywhack for a year? What if, to the rest of the world, it was a week? What if, Darkwing never coming, Quackerjack had to make a deal to escape?

***

"Listen, P, the idea's simple." Quackerjack quietly enjoyed the words, of being able to say what he wanted without the pain. "I've got a degree in psychology." He couldn't remember what sort of degree, he just remembered that it was far Below his actual skill. "I'm an expert at reading people."

"Sooo...?" The demon drawled, his tone already bored. That was bad, boredom was pain - Quackerjack's pain.

"Sooo..." Quackerjack mimicked, bouncing up and down to maintain a level of eye contact with the tall demon. And because he had really missed bouncing. "I know which criminals in St Canard have mommy issues. Which ones have the worst phobias. Which ones would be easiest to utterly break. And I can lure them all to you, for the small price of, um, letting me out once in a while?"

To Quackerjack's surprise, a deal was struck. The first couple times, they just played hide-and-seek, Paddywhack proving without doubt that he could find his 'doll' anywhere. No matter how far he ran.

***

When Quackerjack was in Paddywhack's realm (Box World? Waxrealm? Psychedelic Nightmare?) he had to wear a business suit. He also had to act in a certain way, or there would be pain. He walked, talked, worked in a way designed to bore him out of his skull. Constantly surrounded by temptations back into his normal behavior, or reminders of his worst memories. Needless to say, he can now do taxes like a boss, has much more self-control, obsessively tidies up, and randomly acts like 'Business Suit Jack'.

Is it any wonder that he somewhat-desperately tricks people into his new Boss's clutches? Is it any wonder that, for the first time in his life, he feels insanely guilty about it? Sending others to a place that's replaced hell in his mind and speech?

When he gets a particularly juicy catch for Paddywhack, he's rewarded with a week on his own in the real world, to do as he pleases - with the promise that, if he runs, Mr Banana Brain will gain an intimate knowledge of the inside of a shredder.

Quackerjack has no idea what to do with his week of freedom, ultimately deciding to go to a particular roof and open a partucular power box. Inside is a device that puts of an electrical signal invisible to everything in the world, except one electric mutant's sensitive whiskers. It's their meeting spot.

After tackling him in utter joy, Megavolt demands to know where he's been the past - woah, has it alreadyvbeen three months in the real world?

For Quackerjack, it's been way too long, and it takes a while for his brain to reboot. He ends up spending a quiet evening on that roof with his partner-in-crime. His best friend. Megavolt knows something's wrong, even moreso when Quackerjack says he can't talk about it, but enjoys the quiet company. Quackie needs this, after all, whatever's wrong.

Finally, Quackerjack comes up with a close-enough version of events involving a crime boss that's recently come back to town. He begs Megavolt to leave the city, to take Drippy and Melonhead with him, and get as far away as he could. Megavolt won't leave him, it's a lost cause, but Quackerjack vows to protect him as best he can.

Deciding to spend his week in his old life, Quackerjack tags along to a Fearsome Five meeting, explaing his long absence with 'I was working on a new toy, and lost track of time!'. They accept the ridiculous excuse, leading Quackerjack to contemplate his sanity. Strangely enough, over a year of working in Whiffle Boy's marketing department, being a 'doll' to a sadistic demon, and being in agony whenever he acted even a little like himself - it's all come together to make him more sane.

The meeting goes surprisingly well, but then Bushroot objects to one little part, a part that would result in the unnecessary death of some of his plants. Negaduck's explosive reaction leads Quackerjack to defend Melon Head, ending up on the wrong side of the chainsaw. And this... How could he ever think this was fine? Paddywhack is much more terrifying than Negaduck. How could he ever be intimidated by something as ridiculous as a chainsaw and that face, his mind switching the mask from black to purple.

So, Quackerjack decides to give his Boss a nice present wrapped in a bow, a yellow-black-and-red bow. Because if anyone deserves to go to the Box, it's Negaduck.

He tells Negsy that he has a weapon for him, but hevhas to wait a week for it. At week's end, when tells Paddywhack about his present, he discovers something interesting - Paddywhack is actually Nega-Paddywhack, and he used to work for Negaduck! Negs tricked him, locked his Jack-in-the-box shut with magic chains, and banished him to the Posiverse. In other words, he really likes his present. What a good doll Quackerjack is! (Quackerjack requests a pause in the plot description while he pukes!)

Unfortunately, the rest of the Fearsomes followed their furious fowl of a leader to the felonious fiend's.... Eh, they're at Quackerjack's warehouse/Pasdywhack's lair. And they attack. Next thing Quackerjack knows, they'll all in the Box.

Negaduck is nowhere in sight.

Liquidator is trapped in a variety of ways, including by being turned back into solid Bud Flood.

Bushroot relives the events of his Mutation (Ep: Beauty And The Beet), unable to change the outcome no matter what he does.

Megavolt... he has fun with Sparky. No powers, deaged, highschool, bullies, missed tests, the enslavement and abuse of Electronics taken up to eleven, water (he can still short out with no powers), gym class - so many miseries, so lit- actually, they have eternity for this!

Quackerjack's back to work. Whiffle Boy can't market itself, after all.

Quackerjack spends his lunch breaks visiting the new building that have popped up, each someone's own personal hell. He can actually draw a map of this part of the Box now, so that's a plus. And they've almost got a little city - an office building, a greenhouse, a highschool, a hospital, a zoo, a university campus, even a theater that only plays horror movies. Evenings are spent hearing about Sparky's horrible homework assignments, eating dinner next to Bushroot, always reduced to a cabbage with a beak at that point.

Eventually a blue stuffed dog appears on QJ's desk, and he starts bringing it with him. Just in case.

A year, two, three years for the rest of the Four... Over five years for QJ before he comes, his purple mask visible underneath the wonderful clothes. But QJ can't talk, he's working, so he gruffly tells the clown to wait for lunch. What he wants to do is to bounce up, throw himself at Darkwing's feet, and beg for help. But Business Suit Jack would never do that, and he won't let Quackerjack do it either. He's begun to imagine him as another him in a suit, with a whip, obsessed with making QJ just like him.

At lunch, he calmly explains the history of Boxville, as well as how the world works. He finds out that it's been three weeks up there in the real world - meaning the ratio is always week-equals-year. He reacts calmly, because he has to react calmly, always.

Darkwing Duck is a saint, an angel sent from heaven, and no-one can convince him otherwise. He doesn't know how Darkwing stopped Paddywhack, he doesn't know why Negaduck won't make eye contact with anyone, he doesn't know where Paddywhack's been sealed -- and, frankly, he doesn't care!

He celebrates with the Four - finally, Megavolt's overage again, and finally he can just kiss him! He can't remember if they ever kissed before, but it's a thing now. After three years reliving his origin, Bushroot's decided that he isn't a good person, but wants to be - they support his decision to quit villainy, all feeling something similar.

Liquidator is mostly horrified at the idea of getting caught - trapped in a sponge, jar, cell, chains, trapped, cage - point is, he's going to the ocean for a while, but he promises to visit! He's not entirely able to sales-talk anymore, and no longer cares about money, but he won't talk about it.

After seeing what true enslavement of electronics, Megavolt's decided modern society... Isn't all that bad. Also, he can't take more failures, he needs a vacation.

And thus, the four decide to go to Hawai'i. No reputations, plenty of water, new plants Bushroot's never seen up close. Darkwing decides they've been punished enough, and lets them go, on a few conditions.

1) They come back. He needs to be able to keep an eye on them.

2) NO supervillainy.

3) They write. Just let him no how their doing.

4) They are all seing therapists when they get back.

5) Negaduck comes with them.

This last got strong protests from the Four, and a weak complaint from Negaduck. But he's absolutely harmless, will barely look at a weapon, and needs familiar faces right then. Neither Mallard will talk about Negaduck's fate in the Box, nor why he made Darkwing promise to take him to see Lynn after the vacation, but the implications are enough to awaken a small bit of pity in the Four. The Box... No-one really deserves it.

And that is how the Fearsome Five decided to quit villainy and vacation in Hawai'i!