The Soong Brothers

Chapter 5: Logs

Dear Diary,

Hi!!!! <3<3<3

It's me, Soong Type Android Model Beta Four. I hope you remember me even though it's been a while, I really like talking to you. I didn't used to be so good at remembering things, but then Lore did something funny to my brain, and now I can! Yay! He's a good brother :)

My other brother, Data, has a daughter now! Her designation is Lal, and she's the tiniest EVER. Data says she is a baby. I do not know what that means, but she's very cute and silly. Perhaps baby means happy, squealy, tiny thingy.

Data says I am Lal's 'uncle'. I am so excited, I have never been an uncle before! Oh! And now I am Uncle B4! Is that humorous? I think it might be! Hahaha, lol.

Lore is an uncle too. He is not as excited as I am. Or maybe he's just bad at showing it, like Data is. Data is so excited, even though he says he can't be — he has not stopped talking about Lal for weeks and weeks! I am glad, I can remember a lot about her now that I've heard it so many times.

Just in case, I want to write it down here. It is important.

Data's daughter is named Lal. She is my niece, and I am her uncle. She is Lore's niece too, and he's also her uncle! She is a baby, and she is amazing.

Bye, Diary!!!! :D :D :D <3 <3 <3

I can't believe I'm actually doing this stupid journal thing. What am I even supposed to write? Maybe I can just fill the page with whatever random thoughts I have. That counts, right?

The halfling, whatever-her-name-is, has informed me that it doesn't count. Well, shit. Shit, fuck, damn.

Hey, this is actually kinda fun!

But I still find it really dumb.

Mandated therapy sucks, B4 has no brain

Data's got a brat now, her crying's a pain

Oh no, it seems I'm again stuck on rhyme

Eh, I really don't care, this is actually fine

I'm stuck on a Starship, with a new kind of leash

It's funny they think they can control this beast

Monkeys are stupid, they have less brains than B4

Someday I'll escape, and walk right out the door!

Then I'll rule over them as their android overlord!

...but for now I'll stay trapped here, painfully bored.

Lt. Commander Data Soong, personal log, Stardate 4xxxx.x

Baby Lal was a success. She– oh, she is crying again. Why is she crying? Geordi! Geordi, she is crying again. Make her stop.

[I don't know what to do, Data, I know next to nothing about babies!]

Geordi, help, she will not cease. I have already checked over her, she is unharmed. I do not understand why she is crying.

[Doesn't Tasha have, like, a bunch of little siblings? And Doctor Crusher is literally a mother — why don't we go ask one of them?]

That is a good idea, Geordi. Yes. We shall go ask the females, they will have maternal instincts.

[That's not exactly what I said...]

Come, Lal, we are taking you to those who can make you stop– oh. She is silent now.

[I guess she just wanted to be held]

Oh. This is... Not an undesirable experience.

[Look at her little toes! Are they just the cutest? D'aaw, she likes my visor. ...Data, what's the matter?]

It appears I have left my personal log recording. Hmm... I believe this log is suitable for today. Lal requires my attention, I will devote it to her rather than redoing this entry.

Computer, end log.

Lal Soong, Stardate 4xxxx.x

I received a doll from the O'Briens for my fourth birthday. Molly has a doll too. She has declared our dolls friends. I attempted to explain to her that they are made of cloth and therefore have no consciousness nor friend-making capabilities of their own, but she is insistent. I have relented in favor of playing a game Molly calls 'tea party'. I like tea party.

Uncle B4 drew me a picture of Spot and her kittens. He claims the cats helped him. I doubt this, but I enjoy the sentiment.

Uncle Lore gave me a book, which Father confiscated, and then they went to talk in another room for over an hour. Uncle Lore told a story to make up for the lost present. He says it was from the book. It was a very unusual story. Uncle Lore has been confined to his room.

Father gave me several dresses. They are in an old Earth style. Geordi says he is going to show me a holodeck program called Nancy Drew, and the dresses are for that. I am very excited.

I received other presents from various crewmembers, but these ones were my favorites, and I have deemed the others of too little importance to be transcribed. 

It was an enjoyable birthday. :)