Often-Wrong Quotes

Chapter 1: At A Party

Data: Geordi, please help me keep an eye on Lore today. He is going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Geordi: Sure, I'd love to see Lore get punched.

Data: Try again.

Geordi, sighing: I will try to stop Lore from getting punched.

B4: Oh look, Lore is talking with Lt. Worf! Can I go say hi?

Data: Geordi, this is where the 'helping me prevent Lore getting punched' request comes in.

Geordi: Sorry, buddy.

Geordi: I'd go into a lot of risky situations for you, but not that risky.

B4: Lore and Commander Worf are not very good at shaking hands. They keep accidentally curling their fingers and sticking them in each other's faces.

Data: [taps commbadge] Lt. Commander Data to security chief Tasha Yar, please come in.

Tasha, over commlink: Yar here. What's wrong?

Data: You were correct, bringing Lore to a party was a poorly thought out idea.

//Lore throws Worf across the room. Worf immediately gets up and runs back across the room to tackle Lore

Data: Tasha help I made a mistake

Chapter 2: Props To You If You Get This Joke

Data: Must you always attack others with your words?

Lore: Would you prefer me to use a stick?

Data: I would prefer you were polite to others.

Data: Query — where would you acquire a stick on a starship?

Lore: Depends. How okay are you with rectum foreign body removal?

Chapter 3: Security Concerns

Lore: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

Tasha: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.

Chapter 4: Didn't Think This Through

B4: What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave, and her name was Mozzarella?

Lore: Don't ever fucking speak to me again.

B4: [starts crying]

Lore, panicked: Shit, wait, no, I was kidding–!

Chapter 5: How Lore's Therapy Is Going

Troi: Let's try this — stop failing.

Lore: Don’t tell me what to do, you pathetic halfling! I'll fail right now!

Lore: [succeeds]

Lore: Dammit!

Chapter 6: This Was A Two Sentence Quote

Lore: Brother? Brother, are you even listening to me?

Data: Apologies Lore, I was thinking–

B4: I wish I could do that!

Data: You are perfectly capable of thinking, B4.

B4: That's not what the nice man on deck three said.

Lore, pulling out a phaser he'd kept hidden: And do we know the name of this 'nice' man, Beta?

Data: [takes away the phaser] Lore, no. Violence is not the answer.

Data, to B4: But I too would like to know this man's name and the specifics of what he said to you.

B4: Why?

Data: I am going to report him to the Captain.

B4: Well, that doesn't make any sense.

Data: B4, it is not okay for someone to tell you that you are incapable of thinking. That is not nice.

B4: Kay.

B4: But I meant that it makes no sense to report him because you said only Starfleet officers get reported.

Data: That is more-or-less correct, Brother, but I fail to see how it affects my intention to report him.

B4: He wasn't an officer. He was...

B4: What's that species with the greenish skin and pointy ears?

Data: Vulcans?

B4: No, the other one.

Data: ...

Data: Lore?

Lore: Yes?

Data: [holds out phaser] Do not make me regret this decision.

Lore: Woo! Yes! GONNA SHOOT A ROMULAN IN THE FACE!

Data: I am already regretting this decision.

Lore: No takebacks! [runs out of the room]

Data: [sighs deeply]

Data: [taps commbadge] Lt. Commander Data to Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

Picard, over commlink: Picard here.

Data: Sir, I am calling to inform you about a possible intruder on board. The suspect is male and most likely Romulan.

Picard: What?!

Data: Do not worry, Sir, Lore is handling the situation as we speak.

Picard: Mr Data, have you gone insane?

Data: I have detected some faults in my logic regarding this idea, Sir, yes.

Data: In my defense, he was mean to B4 and therefore deserves to deal with Lore's crazy for a while.

Picard: ...

Picard: Picard to La Forge, go check on your androids. They're malfunctioning again.

Geordi, over commlink: When did they become my androids?

Data: Are we not your androids, then?

B4: You're our human! Lore says so!

Geordi: Aw, that's actually kind of sweet... If I ignore the fact that Lore's calling me a pet again, anyways.

Geordi: Alright, what's up, guys?

Data: The combination of a burst of protectiveness over B4 and the slightest legal excuse — as the target is possibly an enemy intruder — has led me to let Lore loose onboard the Enterprise with a phaser.

Geordi: I'm sorry, you did WHAT?!

Data: On the bright side, Geordi, I now believe that you may be right about my having emotions.

Chapter 7: This Was A ONE Sentence Quote

Lal: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

Data: What is the matter, Lal?

Lal: Nothing's the matter, Father.

Lal: I have simply noticed that human reflexes are slow and wish to help the crew improve by training them to dodge better.

Data: An admirable motive. However, your methods could lead to severe injury and therefore I must inform you that you will be grounded if you proceed with your plan.

Lal: But then how will I help the crew?

Lore: Throw tiny beanbags at people instead.

Lal: That's a good idea. Thank you, Uncle.

Lore: You're welcome, Luv.

Data: ...

Data: I sense that I should be doing something as a parent in this situation, but I am unsure as to what.

Lore: Help her pick out some nice beanbags.

Data: That does not sound like the correct action, Brother.

Lore, shrugging: Okay, fine. But when she throws actual bags full of beans at people, don't come crying to me.

Data: I do not think she would–

Lal: Uncle, should I use pinto beans or adzuki beans for my training program?

Data: I will help you pick out some nice beanbags, Lal.

//Later

Picard: What in the world possessed you to roam the halls and throw hackey-sacks at the crew???

Data: To be quite honest, Sir, I am not entirely sure. I am however rethinking my ability to handle my brother.

Data: It seems Lore's powers of manipulation are stronger than I realized.

Lal: Uncle Lore said, like, two sentences and then Father decided to help me train the crew.

Lal: Luckily, he convinced us not to use rocks. Your officers are slower than I realized, it's a miracle no-one was injured.

Picard: ...

Picard: I just had to get the starship with the crazy android family, didn't I?

Chapter 8: The Soong Brothers Are Competitive Bois

Lore: There are no brothers when playing board games. I am here to win.

B4: Seconded.

Data: We are in agreement, then. We play to the last man.

Lore & B4: [nod solemnly]

Geordi, to Lal: Aaaand this is why I didn't want to do family game night!

Chapter 9: Thor And Loki, Data And Lore — I See No Difference

Lore: Hey, let's do "Get Help"

Data: What?

Lore: "Get Help"

Data: No.

Lore: C'mon, you love it!

Data: I am incapable of love.

Lore: It's great! It works every time!

Data: It is humiliating.

Lore: So you're admitting that you can feel humiliation?

Data: ...No.

Lore: We're doing it!

Data: We are not doing "Get Help"

//A moment later

Lore, carrying Data: Get help! Please! My brother, he's dying! Help him! [throws Data at several guards, knocking them out]

Lore: Ahh, classic!

Data, getting up: I still do not understand why you are so fond of that tactic.

Lore, laughing: Because of how much you hate it!

Data: ...

Lore: What? No "I'm incapable of feeling hatred"?

Data: I am reconsidering that particular stance at this moment.

Chapter 10: I Don't Even Know XD

Tasha: Hey, check out my new umbrella!

Tasha: [opens her umbrella]

Troi: Isn't that bad luck to do indoors?

Tasha: Chill out, Deanna, it's fine–

Lore, kicking down the door: WHO SUMMONED ME?!?!

Troi & Tasha: [scream]

Chapter 11: Smad Saga

Lal: What is a word that means both sad and angry?

Data: Malcontented, disgruntled, upset–

Lore: Smad?

B4: What is a word that means both sad and angry?

Data: Upset, malcontented, disgruntled–

Lal: Smad.

Geordi: What's a word that means both sad and angry?

Data: Disgruntled, upset, malcontented–

B4: Smad!

Tasha: What's a word that means both sad and angry?

Data: ...Smad.

Tasha: What? Since when do you say words like "Smad"???

Data: I do not usually, but I was outvoted on this matter.

Chapter 12: They're Becoming Friends! Sorta!

Lore: Data's pet has only tried to deactivate me three times this week, and I've only tried to shoot him once. Looks like things are improving between us!

Geordi: STOP CALLING ME A PET.

Lore: Hmmm... no.

Chapter 13: Okay, This One's A Little Bad

Lore: Inside you, there are two kidneys.

Lore: I’m gonna steal them.

Data: Lore, cease practicing threats in the mirror and come to the main room. Lal has a new dance she wishes to show us.

Lore: Ugh, fine.

Lore: Inside you, there are many dances.

Lore: I'm gonna watch them.

Data: Lore...

Lore: See, it just doesn't sound as threatening.

Chapter 14: Lore Has Strange Ideas Of Fun

Lore: I'm about to do the klingon challenge, you want in?

B4: What's the klingon challenge?

Lore: We get a klingon to believe we're biologicals and do one of their pain stick gauntlet things with them. Then we laugh as they watch their honor disappear before their eyes, bested by two scrawny 'humans'.

B4: What's the point of it?

Lore: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?

B4: Hmm... Kay.

Lore: Great, now we just need something to hit Worf over the head with.

B4: What? Why?

Lore: He already knows we can't feel pain unless we choose to, and he knows there's no way in Hell that I'd honor an agreement to keep my pain receptors on throughout the challenge. Unless you know another klingon, we're going to have to induce amnesia in him.

Lore: It's the only way to play the game, Beta.

B4, uncertainly: O-okay...

Lal, who Lore was not aware was listening in: Father! Uncle Lore is getting Uncle B4 to help him commit assault! Again!

Lore: Wait, no, shuddup–

Data: Lore, I do not wish to have this conversation again.

Data: B4, for now on I do not want you playing any of Lore's games without myself or Lal present.

Lore: What?? You can't have the kid babysit us!

Data: I can, I will, and I just did.

Everyone: [shocked silence]

Data, confused: It is an expression. Did I use it wrong? Is, is that not how it goes..?

Chapter 15: B4 Is An Adorable Sweetheart And We Love Him

Lore: Beta learned how to fold origami penguins from Data the other day. I told him, “I feel a little bad for the penguins, it’s hot here”, and the next day he replicated a cooling unit for them.

Chapter 16: Motives Questioned And Answered

Data: Why must you always try to aggravate people?

Lore: I don't know. It's fun?

Data: It is highly disruptive.

Lore: Yeah. Fun.

Chapter 17: Everything Is Based Around Earth In Canon, It Can Be In Fics As Well

Tasha: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.

Lore: I think we need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.

Geordi: I think this message is extremely valid, but also Lore has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?

Lore: I want to set it off.

Chapter 18: Again, Don't Be Like Lore

Data: Why would you think any of this was a good idea, Brother?

Lore: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

Data: ...

Lore: I don’t know how you keep forgetting this.

Chapter 19: Lore Curses A LOT, And No-One Can Convince Me Otherwise

Lore: When life gives you lemons, what do you do?

B4: Say thank you!

Lal: Make lemonade?

Lore: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with its own shit.

Chapter 20: I Love These Two

Data: You know, it is perfectly okay to admit you made a mistake.

Tasha, sipping her drink after accidentally adding salt to it: I just like the way it tastes.

Chapter 21: Compliments

Data: Go on, Lore, give our brother a compliment.

Lore: How do you expect me to do that?

Data: Just say something that you wish someone would say to you.

Lore: Uhh… Congrats, you've gotten a full pardon and are now free to wreak havoc upon the inferior biologicals once more!

B4: Awww <3

B4: I love you, too :3

Data: That is not what I meant...

Chapter 22: I Would Read A Ghost Busters AU Featuring Them, Actually

Lore: What the hell was that?

Data: [picks up a flashlight] There is only one way to find out.

Geordi: Wait a minute! You don’t go TOWARDS the spooky scary banging!

Data: Yes we do, Geordi. We always do.

Lore: ADVENTURE!

Chapter 23: Water Ya Doing?

Lore: I’m 80% awesome, 20% machine oil, and 100% handsome.

Data: That is 200%, Brother.

Lore: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.

Chapter 24: Low Blows

Geordi: You know, I think there’s something weird going on with your face?

Lore: Making fun of my tic, now? That's a little low, don't you think?

Geordi: You called me a blind freak last week, how was that not low???

Lore: Oh, no, it definitely was.

Geordi: ...

Lore: What? Suddenly I can't be a hypocrite?

Lore: God, La Forge, it's like you don't know me at all!

Chapter 25: Is Their Couple Name Datasha Or Tata? Yarsoong?

Tasha: My hands are cold.

Data: [grabs her hands in one of his own] I will direct heat into my palm. Please inform me if I get too hot.

Tasha, under her breath: You're always too hot.

Data: Pardon?

Tasha: Nothing.

Tasha: You know, uh, my lips are cold too.

Data: [covers her mouth with his hand]

Data: Is this better?

Tasha: ...

Chapter 26: B4 And Lore's Brothership Has Such A Fun Dynamic, Don't You Think?

Lal: Uncle B4 said I was his second favorite person, and I was upset, but then he said that Father is third. He has no favorite person. He's holding the position open.

Lore: Excuse me?? Data??? Is third???

Lore, stomping off: Beta, I demand an explanation for these blatant lies! I am your favorite brother and you know it!

Lal: What... What was that..?

Data: It appears Counselor Troi's attempts to make Lore more open with his feelings are working.

Lal: Hmm...

Lal: This development scares me.

Data, nodding: As it should, Lal.

Lore: [walks into the room carrying B4] We will bond or else!

Data: As it should.

Chapter 27: Eh, Not The Best

Lore: What's the big deal about borrowing things? I do it all the time! Sometimes, I even give them back!

Chapter 28: His Entire Personality XD

Lore: I say “Please” and “Thank you” in front of Lal all the time, and never get any credit for it.

Lore: But I call Geordi “Ass-faced motherfucker” ONE TIME…

Chapter 29: I Headcanon That The Soong Bros Have Working Taste Buds And Sometimes Eat Things Just To Experience Different Flavors

Lal: UNCLE. I REQUIRE MENTAL SUSTENANCE.

Lore: You know, Luv, there are other ways to say you want to watch cartoons.

Lal: UNCLE, YOU MOCK MY DESIRE FOR–

Lore: [sigh] What do you want to watch?

Lal: ...Looney Tunes, please.

Lore: HUMAN. I DESIRE STIMULATION FOR MY NUTRITIONAL RECEPTORS.

Geordi: You know, there are other ways to say you want to taste some of my food.

Lore: IGNORANT MONKEY, YOU DARE SPEAK AGAINST ME—

Geordi: [sigh] Do you want some of my pancakes or the eggs?

Lore: ...eggs, please.

Chapter 30: I'm Trying To Get This Finished Today Because Tomorrow Pokémon Legends ZA Comes Out, And I Will Therefore Be Unavailable For Some Time

Tasha: Relationships should be 50/50. Data cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Data: She also yells at Lore when he tries to add large amounts of piper nigrum to the food.

Tasha, nodding: Hmmm, yes, that too.

Chapter 31: Data Has A Human Sleep Schedule, His Brothers Only Sleep When Their Android Bodies Actually Need It

Geordi: How late were you up last night?

Lore & B4, in tandem: Me?

Geordi: No, not you two. You guys stay up late all the time.

Geordi, to Data: You.

Chapter 32: Lore Likes To Be Poetic, But Damn Is He Bad At Poetry

Data: Can you describe the person who attacked Lt. Worf, Brother?

Lore: Lithe, spirited, outgoing, and not afraid to speak their mind. They were a raw sexual force and they knew it. They were a dandelion fluff on a summer day, gone in an instant, leaving you with nothing but a memory of their touch and the faint taste of strawberries on your lips.

Data: …Lal, who attacked Lt. Worf?

Lal: [points at Lore] Uncle Lore.

Lore: Dammit, kid, we've talked about this.

Data: Lore–

Lore: In my defense, he attacked me too!

Data: You were acting in self-defense, then?

Lore: Yes, exactly!

Lal: He said 'too', Father, not 'first'.

Lore, to Lal: What the fuck did I do to you?

Lal: [shrugs] Taught me to find amusement in causing problems for others.

Lore: ...I can't decide if I'm proud or worried.

Data: I am worried. Very worried.

Lore: Got it! Going with proud, then!

Data: ...

Lore: ...

Data: ...

Lore: ...I'm in trouble, aren't I?

Data: Yes. Very much so.

Lore: Ah, shit.

Chapter 33: Reluctant Allies

Tasha: Dammit, we lost them! Which way did they go?

Lore: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd say that they went left.

Tasha: You really figured it out from all that?

Lore: No, you idiot, Data managed to use one of his captors' padds to send me a message. See?

Tasha: You couldn't have just said that?!

Lore: Where would the fun be in–

Lore: DID YOU JUST THROW A ROCK AT ME??!

Tasha: Why don't you ask the wind and figure it out?

Chapter 34: Data Has Strong Ethical Programming. He Has Stronger Protective Programming. This Is Arguably Canon

Lore: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go.

B4: But, Brother, how–

Lore: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

Data, walking into the room: Is Lore panicking over his own potential mortality again?

B4: Yep.

Lore, defensively: NO!

Data: ...

Lore: ...

Lore: ...I'm panicking over your human pet's mortality.

Data: I have asked you repeatedly to not refer to Geordi as a pet.

Lore: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Data: I was not aware you cared enough to fear his death, Lore.

Lore: Yes, well, he amuses me.

Lore: Besides, he's at least one-tenth cybernetic, so it's not like he's quite as bad as the rest of his pathetic kind.

Data: If you say so, Brother.

Lore: Don't mock me, Data. This is serious.

Lore: Your pe– Geordi cannot be allowed to perish.

Data: If it makes you feel better, Brother, I am already taking steps to assure that he does not.

Lore: ...I thought Starfleet banned modifying humans in any major way?

Data: They did, yes.

Lore: Immortality is pretty major, Brother.

Data: It is, yes. Counterpoint — Geordi is worth it.

Lore: Won't Starfleet dismantle you or something if you break a law that big?

Data: I believe the appropriate expression for this situation is "I will not tell if you will not".

Lore: ...

B4: Yay! Forever friend!

Chapter 35: Lal Has A Healthy Sense Of Self-Worth

Lal: You have to slow down and smell the flowers… appreciate life’s miracles.

Lal: Like me. I’m life’s greatest miracle. Father says so.

Molly: ...You're weird.

Lal: Uncle Lore says that anything humans find unusual is probably good. So thank you.

Molly: You're really weird.

Lal: You are very sweet. You're my best friend.

Molly: Okay.

Chapter 36: This Works For So Many Characters

Lal: [enters her own password] I'm in.

Chapter 37: Worf And Lore Are Actually Best Friends, It's Just That Mortal Combat Is Their Love Language

Lore: Any advice before I challenge Worf to a fight?

Geordi: Hmmm... When he breaks your servos apart, don't lose the pieces. It'll be hard enough to put you back together as it is.

Lore: That's not the kind of advice I was looking for!

Chapter 38: Pathological Lore-r (I'm Very Tired Right Now)

Lore: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.

Data: That is factually untrue. You consistently go looking for trouble.

Lore: Yeah, but I'm cute, so it's endearing.

Data: ...

Chapter 39: The Purpose Of Kittens

B4: Why did you leave security tutorial videos on for Spot and her babies?

Lal: They must learn how to protect us, Uncle. It is why we have such fierce hunters in our home.

B4: Oh.

B4: I thought we had them because they're cutie-wutie pies with adorable little toe beans and they make the soothing rumbly noises?

Lal: Yes, that too.

Chapter 40: Not Actually Invulnerable

Lore: [gets set on fire and screams in agony]

Lore: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire can't hurt androids.

Data: [sprays him with a fire extinguisher]

Data: Fire most certainly can hurt us, Brother.

Lore, who's half-melted: Oh, riiiiight... I forgot about that...

Chapter 41: This Friendship Is Now My Favorite Thing Ever

Lal: Molly, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong?

Molly: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before?

Lal: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

Chapter 42: Opinions On Nature

B4: My favorite outdoor activity is watching butterflies!

Lal: My favorite outdoor activity is taking pictures of leaves to show Mrs. O'Brien.

Lore: My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

Data: I still do not understand what the outdoors have that the holodeck cannot adequately mimic.

Geordi: Guys, I just asked if you wanted to go camping...

Chapter 43: My Little Sister, Venus, Sent Me This One

B4: Good night.

Lal: Sleep tight.

Data: Do not let the transmitters crawl up to your ear and send codes that program you to hack the ship.

Lore: Great, now Beta's crying.

Chapter 44: Lore May Be A Fan Favorite, But He Has Few Fans In-Universe

Data: Would you slap Lore–

Tasha: Yes.

Data: I have not finished my question.

Tasha: Sorry, continue.

Data: Would you slap Lore for 10 extra days of shore leave?

Tasha: I would lose shore leave if it meant I could slap your brother.

Lore: Rude.

Lore: What did B4 ever do to you?

Chapter 45: Protege

Lal: If there’s one thing I learned from Uncle Lore, it’s to set people’s expectations as low as possible, so you end up impressing them by doing practically nothing at all.

Lore, wiping away a fake tear: A girl after my own heart.

Chapter 46: IDK, It's Silly

Lal: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately"? Why are elephants more advanced than them?

Data: They do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:

Data: "There are bees here, let us leave immediately"

Chapter 47: DS9 Got A Baseball Episode, Why Can't Next Gen Have A Basketball Episode?

B4: Are you tall enough to play basketball, though?

Lal: Are you calling me short, Uncle?

B4: Of course not, Niece.

B4: I'm calling you vertically challenged!

Chapter 48: A Look Into Spot's Head

Geordi, gently nudging Spot aside with his foot: Spot, move out of the way so I don’t trip on you.

Spot, her eyes enormous: [meowing] You kick Spot? You kick her body like the mouse? Oh! Oh! Punishment for the eyeless one! Punishment for the eyeless one for a thousand cycles!

Chapter 49: Again, They Are One Competitive Family

Lore: We can't lose. Because we have this. [points to his chest]

Lal: We have heart?

Lore: What? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

Lal: ...

Lore: I don't lose, Luv.

Chapter 50: I'm Running Out Of Name Ideas... Who Else Is Excited For Pokémon Legends ZA?

Geordi: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

Lore: You could attack them with hummus.

Geordi: ...I stand corrected.

Lore: Just keeping things in perspective.

Chapter 51: Wow, I'm REALLY Out Of Ideas For Chapter Titles

Lore: Quitting! It's like trying, but easier.

Chapter 52: Derry Girls Was Amazing And Terrible All At Once XD

B4: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? [upset] Does it not like me?

Data: It is not smirking at anyone, Brother, they are all merely imagining it.

Lal: Three of us saw it, Father. How do you explain that?

Data: [points at Geordi] Sleep deprivation. [points at Lal] Youthful fantasy. [points at Lore] Delusional personality disorder, acute paranoia, and/or lying for attention.

Lore, shrugging: If I'm being honest, even I'm not sure which one it is at this point.

Data: That is concerning.

Lore: Yeah, well, that's life. What can you do?

Data: Perhaps try being a more honest and open person.

Lore, narrowing his eyes: NEVER

Chapter 53: I Will Eventually Add More To This As Context, I'm Too Tired Right Now And Have Been Staring At My Phone WAAAY Too Long

???

B4: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, B4 is such a nice person, B4 is so happy-go-lucky! B4 can’t be in a bad mood!”

B4: Well, you know what? B4 CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, B4 IS be in a bad mood.

Chapter 54: Maybe Lal SHOULD Get A Pet

Lal: If I got a pet snake, what should I name him?

Data: You may not have a pet snake.

Lore: William Snakespeare.

Chapter 55: Lal Rules All

Lore: Bad news — B4 locked himself in our quarters.

Lore: Good news — we didn’t have to wait around for an Operations Officer to get him out.

Lore: Bad news — Data finds it very concerning that I know how to hack security codes, and tried to figure out my latest Ill-plotted Scheme™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because I thought it would impress people, and instead told him I was just programmed that way. He's currently "not" panicking, and he's trying to figure out if our Father was secretly planning to use us to destroy Starfleet.

Lore: Good news — someone was indeed impressed by my skill.

Lore: Bad news — it was B4, and since he's impressed by being able to remember how to use a replicator, he doesn't really count.

Lore: Good news — Lal saw me do it and was also impressed.

Lore: Bad news — I somehow got roped into teaching her how to disable security systems, and Data is going to dismantle me if he ever finds out.

Chapter 56: The Denial Starts To Fade!

Lore: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

B4: And Lal would be sad if you missed her birthday.

Lore: ...

Lore: Yeah. And that. Good point.

B4: :)

Chapter 57: The Denial Completely Fades!

Lore: You know what? Fine, I admit it.

Lore, standing on his chair and shouting: I LOVE THIS FAMILY! I WOULD DESTROY WORLDS FOR YOU GUYS!

Data: I am glad to hear it, Brother, but can you do the dishes?

Lore, plopping back down into the chair: [cheerfully] No-pe!

Chapter 58: I Meant For This To Have 60 Chapters, But I Miscounted :/

//At a bank teller window

Lore, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit!

Bank Teller: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!

Lore: [frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube]

Bank Teller: GODDAMMIT, IT'S THIS IDIOT AGAIN!

Lore: ...and that is why I know how to make marinara sauce.

B4: Wow! Brother, you have had so many exciting adventures!

Data: Brother, the events in that story never happened.

Lore: You don't know everything I've done. I had a life before I got arrested and sent here.

Data: I am certain you did, Lore. But banks and tellers have not existed in the manner you described for several centuries.

Lore: Well, maybe I time traveled.

Lore, grinning: In fact, have I ever told you about the time I rode a dinosaur?

B4, gasping excitedly: You did not!

Lore, laughing: I did too!

Data, sighing: No, you did not.