The Silvers

Chapter 2: Body Image

Hela Lokidottir loved looking in mirrors. It seemed strange to some, for they couldn't fathom why she'd want to be reminded how ugly half of her was.

But she didn't think she was ugly. The way her face split in the middle, pale Aesir skin meeting cracked and darkened Giant armor, glowing yellow orb parallel to sky blue eye. She was absolutely unique and beautiful, and both her selves thought it.

Helena Gemini Silver hated looking in mirrors. It seemed strange to some, unknowing why she wouldn't want to see her own beautiful face.

But she didn't think she was beautiful. She looked wrong, this face wasn't hers. Half of it was missing. It wasn't her face!

Really, it shouldn't have been that big of a deal. They all were in new bodies, most of them had changed much more than her, and none of them were avoiding mirrors.

But she couldn't stop thinking about it. Running her identical hands through purely blonde hair that covered an entirely symmetrical face. It wasn't her. Both her selves were stressed, their conflicts with themself and others happening more frequently, more intensely.

What was wrong with her? Maybe she was just taking longer to adapt, and needed a bit more time. She'd be fine after a few weeks, one of her sides was sure. The other had doubts.

While everyone was busy learning how to fit in, dinner was always a family activity. They'd chat about their modern lives and try to catch up on the thousands of years spent apart. No one noticed that Helena only used her right hand, left firmly hidden beneath the table.

Clothes shopping was a fun activity, especially for Nicky. The whole family loved figuring out their own styles, their own unique ways of dress, especially considering half of them hadn't even worn clothes most of their lives. No one really paid attention to how much skin Helena covered, or how she mismatched her gloves, though she got weird looks when she dived at a two-tone split jacket.

Yes, Helena thought she was doing a very good job at adapting. Well, half of her did, the other half kept cutting up their gloves. But it was fine, she was getting used to putting on her makeup without a mirror, and no one had really noticed her inner turmoil. Everything was going smoothly.

Until the spa. Her mother and her had been out walking when they saw it, and her mother had just insisted they try it. Helena had fun, it was nice being pampered (by living beings, no less!), and felt so relaxed that she let the workers put her in front of a large mirror. It honestly wasn't that bad, and she looked great, so maybe she could start looking at her reflection agai-

Then they tried to move her hair, her hair she always kept covering half her face, and suddenly she could see where the line was missing. The place where pale skin didn't meet cracked scales, soft blue where glowing yellow should be, supple lips devoid of fangs.

She couldn't remember exactly what happened, but she remembers crying in a corner, one of the workers soothing another with a broken nose, her mother kneeling next to her and just holding her. Her selves argued about many things, but both were in agreement when she broke down and told her mother what she herself could barely understand.

She missed herself.

Telling her mother helped a surprising amount, and her family started making changes for her. Nicky cut all her clothes, sewing the wrong halves back together. Finn moved every mirror so one couldn't look in them by mistake, while Jordan and Vicki studied psychology books to help her. No one mentioned her looks if they could avoid it, unless they were making sure to point out something that didn't quite match.

It helped, it really did, even if it didn't fix everything. It was more than she expected, and it made it happy. Even if she still looked in the mirror some days and just looked wrong.

Birthdays were tricky. Thousands of years, separation, differing calendars, changing solar cycles, time dilation -- it just wasn't possible to point to a certain day and say that it was the same as when any of the Silvers were born. So they each just kinda picked a day.

Helena picked September 22, the Autumn Equinox, a time when Day and Night were equal. When the world was slowing down for its Winter rest, all was quiet and calm, and the days belonging to those that have passed are close but not yet begun.

It was when the shadows started opening up, and it was easy to talk to her old subjects -- her old friends --- from her old realm. A place she was banished to, but became her home.

It was her first birthday on Midgard, nearly nine months since they arrived, and she had no idea what to expect.

There was cake, balloons, presents, a party with the friends they'd made so far, and strange games such as one where you attempted to reattach a severed tail while temporarily blinded or one where you beat a fake animal until it releases its candy hoard while temporarily blinded. While she couldn't understand what Midgardians had against seeing, it was a lot of fun.

But the best thing of all was her mother's gift. It was late, after the party, when her mother entered her room. She wanted to show her something, promising to undo it if was against her daughter's taste, and Helena agreed.

Her mother's magic washed over her, making her skin tingle and itch for a few minutes, yet still strangely comforting. She didn't know what had changed, for she didn't feel any different, until her mother convinced her to look in the mirror.

She screamed, high-pitched and inhuman, sounding every bit the Demon Queen she once was. It sent the rest of the family rushing in, half-asleep but ready to defend her, only to discover that no help was needed.

Half her face was covered in tattoos, swirling black and red to the point that her pale skin wasn't visible on the left side. Her left hand was matching, with nails grown and sharpened to resemble claws, while half her hair was dyed shock-white. It was subtle, but her left eye was a slightly different shape, bits of yellow peppered through the blue.

She actually cried, happy sorts of tears, as she stared at her reflection. Sure, it still wasn't the face she used to have, but it was a face that could become hers.

People stared at her on the streets, and she held herself proud as a queen, whereas before she'd scrunched herself out of sight.

She spent hours in front of the mirror, applying makeup and experimenting with her hair, or just lost in thought. Sometimes, her clothes were wild and showy to compliment her appearance, while others they were simple, drawing the eye to her unique features.

She wasn't Hela Lokidottir anymore, and might never be again. She was Helena Gemini Silver, daughter of Lukas and Sienna Andrea, and might always be.

Whoever else she was, she was the Split Maiden. And she was herself, both her selves, at last.