🖤🐣🦇Batfam Rollcall!🦇🐣🖤

Dick Grayson was peacefully reading when the call came to immediately get to the Manor. Suiting up as fast as he could, he rushed over.

When Nightwing got there, he was horrified to find everyone there, the entire team. Whatever was going on must have been big-

Bars fell over the windows, iron seals clamping the doors shut. Bruce stepped out of the shadows, the fucking Joker on his heel, looking grim. Then, he smiled.

"Family game night!" Bruce held up the monopoly board, ignoring the screams of horror and protest. "Alfred, is everyone here?"

"Yes sir." Alfred nodded, smirking. Dick had never hated him as much as he did in that moment.

"Gee, Batsy, I knew you had a whole little roost," Joker chuckled nervously, looking around, "but dis is a bit ridiculous... How do ya keep 'em all straight?"

"I forgot you haven't met everyone yet." Bruce pointed to Dick. "That's Dick, my first son."

"Adopted." Dick clarified, unfazed at the reveal of his identity. Part of him had figured Joker already knew. "I was the first Robin, remember? Moved out a few years ago to become Nightwing."

"Oh! Nice ta see ya again, Dickie!" Joker grinned, shaking his hand. "Wow, I remember when ya were barely hip-high, tryin' ta play with tha big kids."

"Nice to see you, too." Dick grinned, wide enough to match him. "Mr Doe."

"...Ya told everyone, didn' ya?" Joker asked Bruce, frowning.

"Actually, I have no idea how he found out." Bruce shrugged, setting up the monopoly board.

"Well, I-" Dick started, but was interrupted by an explosion that marked a failed attempt to escape. A red-suited boy cursed as he fell between them. Dick pointed to him. "Jay bugged Bruce, I just listened in."

"Jay? I thought you were..." Joker looked at the boy. He shuddered as he said "Red Hood."

"I am. I'm as well Jason Todd." Jason sat up, pulling up his mask. He scowled. "Remember? You brainwashed me once, after Bane drove me crazy? Everyone thought I was dead? Any of this ringing a bell?"

"Oh, yeah!" Joker nodded, then his eyes went wide. He ducked behind Bruce. "I did say sorry for dat, an' I returned ya! Wait, aren' ya a supervillain?"

"Antihero, and he's still family." Bruce clarified. "Jason, we will talk about you placing a bug on me later. For now, enjoy yourself, don't destroy anything, and don't hurt Joker."

"Literally all of that is impossible." Jason complained. He rolled his eyes at a glare from Alfred. "Fine."

"Hey, Clown." Selina purred from behind Joker, making him jump. Dick held in a laugh, remembered who it was, and laughed anyways.

"Cat? What are you doin' 'ere?" Joker asked.

"She's my sister." Bruce called over his shoulder, then went back to trying to figure out who hid the Uno cards.

"Not really." Selina chuckled. "We've just known each other forever."

"How many supervillains are at dis thing?!" Joker asked with a laugh, hugging her.

"Well, there's me, you, Red Hood, -"

"Please stop sayin' dat name."

"Antihero!"

"- Kittyhawk." Selina smiled, waving to her adopted daughter. "Kitrina's become such an excellent thief. Arguably Black Bat and Robin..."

"Who?" Joker asked.

"Cassie and Damian. They aren't villains." Dick clarified, only to be met by a still-confused stare from Joker. "You haven't met them yet, have you?"

"Not that I c'n remember." Joker shrugged.

"Cassandra is Bruce's newest adoptee." Dick sighed, looking around. He pointed to the young girl. "I know she looks like a adorable fluff ball, but she's a trained assassin, don't mess with her."

"...what."

"And Damian," Dick pointed to a boy that was talking to the silent Cassandra, "is Bruce's half-demon biological son-"

"What?!"

"There was a spell involved." Dick explained. "Talia claims it was an accident, but..."

"What?" Joker growled, fingers twitching as if he wanted to reach for his playing cards. He breathed deeply, muttering something about dealing with a certain bitch later. He held up his fingers, listing off "Nightwing, Red Hood, Catwoman, Kittyhawk, Black Bat, Robin -- that all of them?"

"Not even close." Bruce chuckled, wrapping his arms around Joker from behind. He started pointing out various people. "There's Tim. That over there is my daughter-in-law, Barbara."

"Yeah, I know her..." Joker muttered, watching the wheelchair-bound woman for a few seconds before looking away quickly.

"Feeling guilty, Mr Doe?" Dick asked, feeling a bit of anger bubble into his blood. Accident or not, he still didn't forgive Joker for that.

Joker locked eyes with him, green eyes glowing. He was frowning. "Yes." A tense second passed before the jester looked away again, his smile creeping back. "So, who else? I gotta say, Bats, four adopted kids plus a biological son plus da extended family? It's a bit much."

"There's just Alfred." Bruce pointed to the so-much-more-than-a-butler, giving an uneasy glance between Barbara and Joker. Dick rolled his eyes; Bruce never thought this stuff through. "And Spoiler over there has been working with us a lot recently."

"Spoiler?" Joker's eyes once more expanded, grin growing much wider than a regular human could pull off. He knew who she was?!

"We are interrogating Father's concubine for the identity of Spoiler later, correct?" Damian asked, looking to his adoptive brothers.

"No, you aren't. And he's not my 'concubine'!" Bruce frowned.

"We totally are." Jason whispered, once Bruce's back was turned. Tim nodded, sneakily high-fiving him, while Dick gave a thumbs-up.

Joker gulped.