Imp Tales

Chapter 2: Unfinished

1: How Much Trouble Could One Little Autograph Be?

Just because Btsyzbr was obsessed with Batman didn't mean he had to act exactly like him. In fact, he mostly acted absolutely nothing like his hero. With some things, though...

"Heya! Bitsy! Over 'ere!"

...he could see where Bruce was coming from.

Bitsy sped up with a groan, wondering if he could pretend he didn't hear him and get to another dimension before–

"Where ya goin', ol' pal?" blasted Jnxrll asked, his gloved hand closing around Bitsy's wrist just as he was about to reach the universal barrier.

Slumping in defeat, Bitsy turned towards Jnxrll and sighed. "Waddya want this time, Joke-Mite?" he asked without answering the other's question.

Jnxrll pouted. "I jus' wanna talk to ya."

"Uh-huh."

Jnxrll lasted about one second of Bitsy's flat look before breaking down and admitting, "Oh, all right, fine! This is still about the Earth thing. I don't get why ya can't jus' take me for fifteen minutes to get one liddle autograph!"

"You know the rules, Jokes," Bitsy told him for what felt like the billionth time. "Imps can't jus' go traipsing about in lesser realms willy-nilly."

"Ya get to see your hero all the time," Jnxrll argued, eyes wide and pleading. "I jus' wanna see mine once. Do a pal a favor, huh? One time–"

"No can do, Jokes," Bitsy said firmly, ripping his arm out of the other's grasp. He put his hands on his hips. "Stop askin' me already! If ya wanna see him, get the council to turn ya mortal for a while or something."

"I tried," Jnxrll muttered mournfully. "They said I'm a 'chaos risk'. Me, a risk! Can ya imagine?"

"Gee, I wonder where they got that idea," Bitsy drawled, rolling his eyes. He'd known Jnxrll most his life, and the guy was admittedly a harmless goofball most the time, but... Well...

He was the 5th Dimensional Joker. Risk didn't begin to cover it.

"But I asked, an' they said ya could take me!" Jnxrll continued, reaching out for him again.

Bitsy dodged before he could grab on, his back hitting the universal wall. "Yeah, like I'd agree to be responsible for your actions. Get real, Jokes!"

"Fifteen minutes to talk, one autograph, an' then I'm outta there!" Jnxrll promised. "Look, I've even been practicing sayin' my name backwards to make sure I'm banished right — llrxnJ, llrxnJ, llrxnJ. I'm gone the moment ya say I'm too much trouble, I swear!"

Bitsy considered it for a moment. Most Imps were content to just watch their mortal, but he of all impeople understood the urge to actually meet the person one's dedicated their existence to.

But mortals were fragile, and there was only so much Bitsy could undo when it came to Imp magic. It wasn't like he thought Jnxrll would hurt anyone on purpose, exactly. It was just that he himself had spent most of his life around mortals and still barely understood how to behave around them. To add in an Imp that wasn't used to them, especially one like Joke-Mite...

"Look, Jnxrll, it's not that I don't trust you," Bitsy assured him, despite that not exactly being true. But he was trying to let him down easy. "I just... don't trust your impulse control. I'm sorry, pal. Maybe the council will let you go in a few centuries."

"Yeah," Jnxrll agreed dully. "Maybe."

"Bye?" Bitsy waved hesitantly, before booking it out of the Fifth Dimension. Interacting with Jnxrll always left him feeling a bit weird.

• • •

"Heysa, Jinxie!" Quinn-Mite called brightly, looking up from where she'd been watching Crow-Mite and Hat-Mite play chess in the Impham Asylum wreckroom. She winced when she saw his face. "I was gonna ask how it went, but I think I know already. Sorry, Jinx. Too bad."

"I don't get why he can't take me jus' once," Jnxrll lamented, plopping himself down on the couch next to Riddle-Mite. "I've been askin' him for centuries, an' it's always th' same thing. 'Ask the council', pfft. They've got it out for us villain-mites."

"Preach!" Hat-Mite yelled, raising his hand in solidarity before returning his attention back to his game.

"Shush, Llws," Riddle-Mite snapped. He pointed to the TV. "I'm trying to watch The Riddler's latest victory over Batmoron."

"Don't let Bitsy hear ya call him that, Perp," Jnxrll warned him, laughing. "He'll trounce ya!"

(The fic eventually has Jinxie try something dangerous to go into the mortal world, and accidentally turning himself, Bat-Mite, and Mxy — and perhaps a handful of others — temporarily human. Mxy is annoyed but not overly concerned — pulling from a canon scene where he temporarily gave his powers away and didn't seem to really care about his newly limited form —, while Jinxie is excited and committed to meeting his 'hero'. They have to get help from the Bats, which Bat-Mite is admittedly very happy about, and lay low until their powers come back... So of course a bunch of chaos happens, growth also happens, and Jinxie gets his highly-coveted autograph.)

• • •

Alfred opened the door to see an elderly gentleman in a plain suit, accompanied by two teenaged boys. The first boy had messy black hair squished haphazardly under a blue two-pronged Winter's hat (despite the fact it was the middle of Summer), a grey shirt with a vaguely-familiar scribble on the front, and bright pumpkin-orange eyes. The second was wearing a purple hoodie with the hood drawn too far up to clearly see his features, though a tuft of toxic green hair manage to be visible.

"Good evening, gentlemen," Alfred greeted them, as polite as ever. "May I enquire as to your business at Wayne Manor?"

"Good evening Mr. Alfred, Sir," the black-haired boy piped up, his high-pitched voice instantly recognizable to Alfred. To any of the Bats, actually.

Now he remembered where he knew that scribble from, at least. "Bat-Mite."

"Th' one an' only!" the boy giggled.

2: Playdate

"This is fraud," Mxyzptlk grumbled, floating behind Bat-Mite through the 5th Dimension.

"Oh for DC's sake." Bat-Mite put his head in his hands. "This ain't fraud, Mxy, it's jus' a playdate."

"A playdate I did not consent to," Mxyzptlk argued. "I have been misled an' my valuable time has been wasted!"

"Valuable time– what 'value' could your time possibly have??" Bat-Mite asked, looking up at him with a look of utmost confusion. "'Sides our fake ultra mega death battles between Batman an' Superman, do ya even do anythin'?"

"I– you– I have a job, fuck you very much," Mxyzptlk growled at him. At Bat-Mite's blank look, he groaned and added, "I'm literally th' royal fool, remember, nitwit?"

"You're married to King Brpxz's daughter, aren't ya?" Bat-Mite asked after a second of thought. "Ain't that nepotism or somethin'?"

"It is not–"

"Heya, Bitsy! Over here!" someone interrupted them, cackling. A group of Gotham-Mites were milling about outside the Just-Us League HQ. One of them, who Mxyptlk vaguely recognized by the green hair, floated over. "Aren't ya a bit late for th' meeting?"

"Heeey, Joke-Mite." Joke-Mite was the only being in the multiverse that Mxyzptlk knew of that could make Bat-Mite lose literally all sense of cheerfulness in 0.5 seconds flat. "Yeah, I sorta forgot it was today. Had to, um, deal wit' some other plans afore I could come."

"Ah, well, I hope ya have fun in there, buddy..." Joke-Mite trailed off, wringing his hands together.

"...waddya want, Jokes?" Bat-Mite asked, sounding even more annoyed than he did that time Mr. Mxyzptlk graffitied his model Batmobile collection.

"Who says I want anythin'?" Joke-Mite asked innocently. He wilted under Bat-Mite's flat look. "Ya see, Scare-Mite an' I– where is he? Brrlp, get over here– it's just Bitsy, stop worryin', ya big crybaby!"

Joke-Mite stretched out his arms and wrangled the burlap-headed Imp into standing next to him. They all politely ignored just how badly Scare-Mite was shaking.

"Anyways, we noticed that Joker an' Scarecrow don't team up one-on-one all that often," Joke-Mite continued, one gloved hand clenched tight around Scare-Mite's arm. "An' we was wonderin' if, maybe, th' next time you're in th' mortal realm, ya could... set somethin' up for us?"

"I-it be r-r-really c-cool," Scare-Mite added, ducking a bit behind Joke-Mite as he spoke. "B-but we under-understand if ya don't wanna, 'f c-course..."

"I'll think about it," Bat-Mite told them, sighing. "No promises, though, guys. Batman doesn't really like when I... Though there is that one version of him that really does need t' be brought down a bit afore he gets himself killed... Eh, I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, Bitsy!"

"That reminds me, it's Bat-Mite."

"Have fun in your meeting, Bitsy!"

"BAT. MITE."

Ignoring him, Joke-Mite waved goodbye and dragged Scare-Mite back towards the group of Gotham-Mites. Shaking his head, Bat-Mite started floating into the Hall of Just-Us.

"Ya had t' deal wit' other plans wit' me," Mxyzptlk said sulkily once they were in the Hall and out of anyimp's earshot, crossing his arms to make clear his annoyance.

"I said I was sorry!" Bat-Mite whined. "Listen, jus' sit an' work on your dumb court act for a bit–"

"So you do remember! Hey, waddya mean 'dumb'?!"

"–an' then we can go do our thing right after I'm done wit' my friends," Bat-Mite promised. When Mxyzptlk just continued brooding, he added, "I'll even help ya with one of your plots against Superman~"

That had Mxy perking up. "Really?"

"So long as word nevah, evah gets back t' Batman about it, sure!"

(Mxy sits and writes down jokes/gags and tries to ignore the other Imps. Bat-Mite tricks Mxyzptlk into playing with the Just-Us League by saying things like 'no-one is faster than Flash' and 'who does lasers better than Cyborg, amirite?'. But it goes sideways when Mxyzptlk realizes what happened and gets into an argument with Wonder-Mite, resulting in Mxy trying to destroy the Just-Us League building and Wonder-Mite calling him a freak.)

("You're just a bunch of delusional fans playacting real heroes and thinking you're something special. Mock me all you want, but at least my hero knows I exist!"

"Well at least our heroes don't hate us like Superman does you!")

("Super-Mite–"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!")