0 sparksChapter 1: How Grouchy Says 'I Love You'
Grouchy, stomping into the middle of town: [points at Jokey] I dislike you slightly less than most Smurfs.
Jokey: Slightly less than most Smurfs dislike me, or slightly less than ya dislike most Smurfs?
Grouchy, ignoring him: [points at Vanity] I feel neutral about you.
Vanity: I love me too. <3
Grouchy, gesturing at the rest of the village: I hate all of you mothersmurfers! [stomps away]
Chapter 2: Cutie-Pie
Grouchy: You know what the problem is? You're really cute, so no one's ever told you to smurf your pie-hole.
Vanity: You think I’m cute?
Grouchy: ...
Grouchy, blushing: SMURF YOUR PIE-HOLE!
Chapter 3: Smurfy
Jokey: That sounds smurfy! Doesn't that sound smurfy?
Grouchy: No.
Jokey: I t'ink I smurf fer Grouchy when I say it sounds really smurfy!
Chapter 4: Somesmurf Else's Problems
Vanity: Let's think this through. How does Jokey usually smurf out of these situations?
Grouchy: He doesn't! He just smurfs enough chaos that it either cancels the first problem out or forces somesmurf else to fix it!
Vanity: Oh, right. Well...
Vanity: That smurfs like a good enough plan to me!
Chapter 5: Hug Saga
I don't see Jokey as having an accent, exactly, more like he just speaks really fast and sloppily. Because of this, he's a little inconsistent on which words he says normally or not.
Grouchy: What's this?
Jokey, hugging Grouchy: Affection!
Grouchy: Disgusting...
Grouchy: ...do it again.
Grouchy: Come on, two Smurf huddle.
Jokey: ...
Jokey: If ya wanted ta hug, ya coulda just–
Grouchy, hugging him: Shut up.
Grouchy: [mumbles under his breath]
Vanity: What was that, old friend?
Grouchy, through clenched teeth: Can I have a hug?
Vanity: I, I don't really do hugs...
Grouchy, shrugging: Okay, two Smurf huddle, then.
Vanity: ...that works.
Chapter 6: I Headcanon That A Smurf Named Barista Eventually Moves To Blossom And Then Everysmurf's Mornings Are Much Better
Jokey, energetically: Good morning!
Grouchy, grumpily: Is it? Is it really?
Chapter 7: Gee, What A *Great* Decision
Vanity: Hey, Jokey? I need advice.
Jokey: I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest ya ina sarcastic comment instead?
Jokey: Hey, Vain? I need advice.
Vanity: I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a biting comment instead?
Jokey: It's about fashion. I'm going to a costume party an' needa dress up.
Vanity: Oh, well I'm all ears then.
Chapter 8: Emotions
Jokey: D'ya ever wanna talk 'bout yer emotions, Vain?
Vanity: Not particularly, no.
Grouchy: I do!
Jokey, sighing: I know, Grouch.
Grouchy: I’m angry.
Jokey and Vanity: We know, Grouchy...
Chapter 9: IDK 🤷♀️ Conversation?
Jokey: I just had th' best conversation with Grouchy!
Vanity, disbelieving: Really??
Jokey, giggling: No, of course not.
Chapter 10: Vanity Is Trying, Okay?
Jokey: Vanity, why're ya smurfing in fronta th' window?
Vanity: I’m waiting for Grouchy to smurf in when he comes by. When the sun is smurfing on me like this, I look like a fancy supermodel.
Jokey: Y'want Grouchy ta think y're a supermodel?
Vanity: Giving him eye candy is the least I can do. It’ll probably be the smurfiest part of his walk!
Jokey, sarcastically: Y're so selfless.
Vanity: Thank you for noticing.
Chapter 11: Few Know How Hard Grouchy Works To Stay On Theme
Vanity: Big day today, old friend. [holds up two pairs of pants] Mustard stain or grape juice stain?
Grouchy: Mustard smurfs less like blood.
Vanity: So... grape juice?
Grouchy, nodding: You know it.
Chapter 12: Grouchy Thinks He's Edgy :)
Grouchy: [walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone]
Vanity, not looking up from his mirror: Hey, Grouchy, how was your day?
Grouchy: [picks up an onion chunk and bites into it] Hell.
Jokey, watching this unfold: [whispers] Who smurfed ya?
Grouchy: The world.
Chapter 13: Tell Me I'm Wrong
Vanity: Some Smurfs just want to watch the world burn. Most call these Smurfs 'dangerous' and 'unhinged'.
Vanity, gesturing to Grouchy and Jokey: I call them my best friends.
Jokey, waving excitedly while Grouchy glares: Heeey! :D
Chapter 14: Help, The Author Is Sleep Deprived... Sleepy... 😴
Vanity: I'm going to smurf a shower, I'll be back in two hours.
Grouchy: Why are you smurfing me this? I don't care.
Grouchy, right after Vanity leaves the room: I miss him already.
Chapter 15: He Means Leave, Not Die
Grouchy: I want to kiss you.
Vanity, not paying attention: What was that, old friend?
Grouchy: I said 'if you smurf, I won't miss you'.
Chapter 16: Goofy Bois
Jokey, singing: ♪He's makin' a list, checkin' it twice♪
Grouchy, grumbling: Gonna find out who's on thin smurfing ice,
Vanity, also singing: ♪Santa Smurf is calling you ouuut!♪
Chapter 17: No Fish Were Harmed, He Was Just Looking At Them Or Using A Bucket Or Something
Jokey, going fishing: I’m gonna LIE ta FISH!
Chapter 18: 🕷️
Grouchy: Jokey's outside.
Vanity, excited: Did he smurf the stuff I asked for?
Grouchy: He said he got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 tarantulas.
Vanity: Wow! Wherever did he find 12 fake tarantulas?
Jokey, walking in: Ya wanted fake tarantulas..?
Vanity and Grouchy: ...
Vanity, forcibly calm: Jokey, what did you do?
Jokey: Uh... [looks nervous]
Vanity, significantly more panicked: Jokester Smurf, what did you do?!
[Smurfs can be heard screaming outside]
Jokey: ...I may have made a mistake.
Grouchy, looking out the window: [laughs] Best mistake ever!
Chapter 19: I'm Too Tired To Name This
Jokey: Hey, are ya free?
Vanity: No, I’m expensive.
Chapter 20: Maniacal, Depressed, And Self-Absorbed (Alternatively: They're All Just So Used To This Nonsense By Now)
Grouchy: This world is a cold, cruel one.
Jokey, to Grouchy: Can'ya go be depressed over there? Y’re bumming out my whole area, an' I'm trying ta make my April Fools' plans!
Vanity: Can you both go be depressed and maniacal over there? You're making it hard to focus on myself!
Chapter 21: Security Smurf Honorable Mention (Psych Is Such A Great Show, Top Five Favorites, Really)
Jokey: See? It's not really breaking in if Security HELPS us break in.
Vanity: Do I need to explain the law to you, Jokey?
Jokey: I mean, ya can try, but...
Jokey, shrugging: It's probably not gonna change anything, t'be honest.
Chapter 22: It's Because He's Pining After Magician, Actually
Vanity: Do you ever wonder why it is that you're still single?
Jokey, eating Smurfberry Jam straight out of the jar with a spoon: Yeah... I mean, I'm perfect! Who wouldn't wanna date me?
Grouchy: I can name a few Smurfs...
Chapter 23: Magician Really IS Playing Hard To Get, Jokey Would Back Off If She Actually Asked Him To
This joke would be perfect for Batjokes, wouldn't it?
Grouchy: What's wrong with you?
Jokey: Magician's playin' hard t'get.
Jokey, grinning: Liddle does she know, I'ma master at playin' hard t'get rid of.
Grouchy: I just meant in general, but cool.
Chapter 24: He'll Get There Eventually
Jokey: Y'guys are my best friends.
Grouchy: I tolerate you two more than most.
Jokey: More than most tolerate us or more than y'tolera–
Grouchy: Don't do this again.
Grouchy and Jokey: [turn to look expectantly at Vanity]
Vanity: Hmm? Were you smurfing something, dears?
Jokey, sighing: Don't worry about it, Vain. We know how'ya feel.
Chapter 25: Study Session (For Some Reasons)
Jokey: [slams books on table]
Jokey: Boil up some Smurfberry Juice, it's gonna be a long night.
Grouchy: You could have smurfed literally anything else.
Jokey, looking him straight in the eye: Cauldron boil an' cauldron bubble, blast boxes ta fuel my trouble, hope we both avoid th' rubble.
Grouchy: I’m... going to just stop challenging you when you smurf random nonsense. I won’t win. I realize this now.
Chapter 26: Jenga, The Destroyer Of Worlds
Grouchy: Is Jokey always like this when he loses?
Vanity: Like what?
Grouchy: A collosal ass.
Vanity: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 1756.
Jokey: Ya smurfed that table an'ya know it!
Chapter 27: Again, Tell Me I'm Wrong
Vanity: Sometimes I get so caught up on being into guys that I forget I’m actually into both.
Jokey: Y're attracted t'Smurfs other'n yerself?
Vanity, briefly glancing away from his mirror and at Grouchy: What? No, of course not... [nervous chuckling and repositioning of his flower]
Chapter 28: Inviting Them Was A Mistake XD
//At a gender reveal party for a soon-to-hatch Smurfling
Social Smurf: Okay, everysmurf, we're going to do something smurfy.
Grouchy: I hate smurfy.
Social, ignoring him: Since we're celebrating the baby's gender, we're all going to smurf what we identify as on these little name tags. You can smurf down whatever you want.
Jokey: Whatever? As in, anything?
Social: So long as you actually identify as it, yes.
Jokey, giggling: Y're gonna regret that~
Social: What?
Vanity's nametag: Hello! I identify as beautiful
Grouchy's nametag: Hello! I identify as >:(
Jokey's nametag: Hello! I identify as a problem
Social, reading: ...that isn't how this works.
Vanity: Well you can hardly smurf that they aren't true, dear.
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Comments carried over from AO3 (7)
These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.
Awwwwww 😍😍😍
Aren't fish... Bigger than him?
Fair point XD
Grouchy is mischievous ;-)
Yes, it most certainly would be PERFECT for batjokes!
Lol, at least he knows!
OMG, this fic was HILARIOUS!!!
Smiling, kicking, screaming silently. This is soooo cute and funny
I'm glad you enjoyed, thank you! 😊
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