Not RatedGenComplete

Doctor Who Incorrect Quotes

Arukir

Warnings: Creator chose not to add warnings
Fandom: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Main relationship: Eleventh Doctor/River Song
Other relationships: Amy Pond/Rory Williams
Main characters: Eleventh Doctor (Doctor Who) River Song
Other characters: The Doctor (Doctor Who) The Doctor's TARDIS Ninth Doctor (Doctor Who) Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who) Twelfth Doctor (Doctor Who) Thirteenth Doctor (Doctor Who) Thirteenth Doctor's Fam (Doctor Who) The War Doctor (Doctor Who) The Master (Doctor Who) Missy (Doctor Who) Jack Harkness Rose Tyler Clara Oswin Oswald Bill Potts Rory Williams Amy Pond (Doctor Who)
Other tags: Funny
Language: English
Originally published: 20 Feb 2026 on AO3
Stats: 2,553 words58 chapters 0 sparks0 comments0 bookmarks69 readsUpdated 20 Feb 2026

Summary

Oh my god I forgot I did an Incorrect Quotes series for this fandom, but I stumbled upon it in my notes so now I have to post it. Enjoy!

Why are the Doctors interacting? No clue, next question.
Why can the TARDIS sometimes talk? Beats me, moving on.
Why are the Master and River in the same room without violence? How the fuck should I know.

Let's get on with the fic!

⤓ Download PDF Entire work

Chapter 2: McRage

Nine, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

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Comments carried over from AO3 (34)

These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 7 · 2026-02-20

😂 that was 12s BEST scene lol

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 11 · 2026-02-20

You should get to keep it!

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 18 · 2026-02-20

Lol, I thought there was gonna be a twist at the end, but this works so much better 😂

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 21 · 2026-02-20

I don't think so, but they NEED TO!

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 22 · 2026-02-20

EXACTLY their relationship!

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 23 · 2026-02-20

"Again??" 😂

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 24 · 2026-02-20

Uhhh??? 😂

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 25 · 2026-02-20

Wow, that's impressive lol

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 27 · 2026-02-20

I could see both happening in the same universe. Even the same doctor... TBF, there IS a reason they are in love.

Kasumi_JC via AO3 2026-03-26

The Doctor and River or the Doctor and the Master?

Both

All three

Gontonyak via AO3 2026-03-28

The Doctor and River Song

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 28 · 2026-02-20

TBF... His fault for asking THE MASTER for help.

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 29 · 2026-02-20

True.

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 30 · 2026-02-20

Hmm... Regular screwdriver! 🪛

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 31 · 2026-02-20

Pretty much their entire relationship...

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 32 · 2026-02-20

"Young Amelia Pond, shaking her head: You don’t even know."

Why can I picture this??? Like, I can even hear her accent when she says it? Why is this so in character???

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 33 · 2026-02-20

OPTIMISM CAPTAIN!

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 36 · 2026-02-20

😂😂😂

🌌 🦑

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 38 · 2026-02-20

Standards... Meet The Doctor!

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 41 · 2026-02-20

5'5 - Rose
6'1 - 11

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 42 · 2026-02-20

Or to another planet, to stay in an underwater SPACESHIP hotel!

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 44 · 2026-02-20

Yep, any companion would know that feeling!
Aaaand so would The Doctor...

Huh, what would happen if Doctor Who and Q met? (Sorry, had nothing to do with this, but made me think of it...)

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 45 · 2026-02-20

I feel like this best fits 11, he was the more engineery one (also 13).

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 46 · 2026-02-20

No he doesn't.

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 48 · 2026-02-20

His first/last or her first/last?

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 49 · 2026-02-20

Yes, DUDE, you definitely bottle up all your emotions.

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 50 · 2026-02-20

This is so him...

They should bring back Robo Pup! (Or the space dog's actual name)

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 51 · 2026-02-20

It says a lot about The Doctor that he waited so long to have a midlife crisis...

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 52 · 2026-02-20

Huh, River never switched genders... I wonder if that's because kinda-thirdling? Or does it just depend on the timelord?

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 53 · 2026-02-20

This could work with him regeneratimg also...

So, is Jack just, like, The Doctor's ex/BF/whatever or..?

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 54 · 2026-02-20

So he practiced?

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 55 · 2026-02-20

Do you want a jelly baby?

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 57 · 2026-02-20

OMG 😂😂😂

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 57 · 2026-02-20

Why can't I read "Worth a shot" without doing Camilo's voice in my head? Lol

Gontonyak via AO3 on Chapter 58 · 2026-02-20

This was the best fic EVER! I love the ✨ Doctor✨ SO MUCH!

5_Vai_6 via AO3 on Chapter 50 · 2026-03-27

Hey, I saw your headline. Please stop spreading misinformation especially concerning medical data.

Yes, although there have been studies conducted analysing the correlation between developing a schizophrenia related disorders, none have been conclusive. So no, cats do not cause schizophrenia. Schizophrenia and schizophrenia related disorders can be caused by a multitude of things.

Yes, although cats are most commonly known to be a host for the parasite causing toxoplasmosis, that doesn't mean every cat has it and spreads it. If a cat eats another animal that had the parasite, they will, most likely, only pass it (the parasite) in 10-14 days after ingestion. In that case the parasite will be found in the feces if the cat. The parasite can then live on for a year and infect other warm blooded creatures. Also if a healthy adult gets toxoplasmosis it goes away in most cases without the need of treatment. If treatment is necessary medicine/drugs exists.

Hope that helps. Love, take care and stay safe.