Incorrect Batjokes

Chapter 1: Kids

//Batman is fighting Joker, but is interrupted by his phone

Batman: I'm sorry, it's my kids. I have to take it.

Joker, putting down a bomb: No worries, I understand.

Batman, to the phone: I'm in the middle of work, what- Jason did what?! Why? Tell Tim to give it back. Why not? ...what? Okay, Damian's grounded, and Cassie gets his deser- what?! Where's Alfred?... Of course he is. Okay, Dick, just put out the fire and schedule another therapy appointment for all of us. I've got to go, tell everyone I love them. Yes, even Titus. Goodbye..."

Batman: Okay, now where were we? What?

Joker, staring: H-how many kids do ya have?!

Batman, taking a second to think: Uh, biologically, legally, or emotionally?

Joker: Ya know wha'? All of 'em.

Batman, counting on his fingers: 1, 3, and... Over 5? But less than 10 -under breath- I'm mostly sure.

Joker, picking his bomb back up: Well, dat's cool. Must be hard on yer boyfriends, though, huh?

Batman, getting into a fighting stance: Oh, I don't date anyone who isn't already good with kids.

--later, in the Arkham inmate library--

Bookwyrm: Joker? Since when do you-

Joker: I need every book on parentin' ya can find, an' I need 'em yesterday.

Bookwyrm: Give me five minutes.