50 sparksChapter 1: Recovery
My version of Joker is not a murderer, so things like Jason's death are either not his fault or an accident.
Riddler, listening closely to Red Hood's voice: Wait, didn't you used to be Robin?
Red Hood: W-what?! No!
Riddler: Yes, you were the second Robin!
Twoface: The second? Oh, right. It's been a while since we saw you. Where have you been?
Royal Robin: Oh, he died.
Twoface: What?
Red Hood: Yeah, Joker killed me.
Joker: It was an accident! An' ya got better!
Riddler: How do you recover from death?!
Batman, appearing out of nowhere to arrest all the Rogues: It runs in the family.
Riddler: That makes less sense!
Chapter 2: Pray
Red Hood: Please pray for Nightwing.
Scarecrow: I don't pray.
Mad Hatter: What happened to him?
Red Hood: Nothing, he's just really stupid.
Goodfellow: And he's been talking to a ghost none of us can see or hear.
Scarecrow and Mad Hatter, nodding as if that makes sense: Oooh...
Mad Hatter: Wait, what?!
Goodfellow: The ghost's name is Boston, apparently.
Scarecrow: -keeps nodding as if it makes sense-
Chapter 3: Competent
//Batman and the Rogues have to work together.
Batman: Are you sure you guys can handle this?
Ivy: My team is very competent, Batboy. Don't worry.
Mad Hatter, rushing into the room: Ivy, come quickly! Joker tried to make pasta in the coffee pot, and now it's broken!
Ivy: My team is semi competent.
Fire alarms, Freeze can be heard screaming in the distance. Twoface loudly curses, and Croc runs through the room, being chased by an umbrella-wielding Penguin and a hissing Catwoman.
Ivy: ...At least my team isn't made up of children.
Harley: -walks into the room in carebears pajamas, eating cereal from the box-
Batman: -quirks eyebrow-
Ivy: ...Shut up.
Chapter 4: Egret
It took me SO LONG to understand this joke, lol
Joker: From now on, we will be usin' code names. Ya can address me as 'Egret One'.
Joker: Eddie is 'been dere done dat'.
Riddler: -squeaks in dismay-
Joker: Batsy is 'currently doin' dat'.
Batman: -growls-
Joker: Ivy is 'it happened once in a nightmare'.
Ivy: -smirks-
Joker: Harley is 'if I had ta pick a gal'.
Harley: -shrugs and nods-
Joker: And Spooky is...
Scarecrow: Please don't-
Joker: 'Egret Two'.
Scarecrow: Oh, thank Fear.
Chapter 5: Hand
Batman: Come on, Robin. Nobody actually believes Joker is in love with me.
Robin, to the Rogues: Raise your hand if you think that Joker is helplessly in love with Batman.
Everyone raises their hand
Batman: Joker, put your hand down.
Chapter 6: Dignity
Robin: Why won't you all just stand down and accept defeat with dignity?!
Joker: We don' do anythin' wit' dignity!
Chapter 7: Acting
Royal Robin's first time being kidnapped by the Rogues, watching Scarecrow and Mad Hatter get into a rhyming argument: What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?!
Clayface: This isn't acting.
Croc: Yeah, this is pretty much just how we really are.
Harley: Welcome ta Gotham, kiddo!
Chapter 8: Question
Bruce: What are you doing here?
Catwoman: I could ask you the same question.
Bruce: I live here. This is my house.
Catwoman: I should probably ask you a different question.
Chapter 9: Dislike
Jason: When I first met you, I did not like you.
Joker: I'm aware of dat.
Jason: Then you started dating my Dad, and we had to spend some time together. To actually get to know each other.
Joker: Uh-huh?
Jason: It did not get better.
Joker: Yeah, dat tracks.
Chapter 10: Memories
Red Hood: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.
Joker: I almost died.
Red Hood: That... was my favorite memory
Chapter 11: Serious
Joker: Ya know guys, sometimes I feel like Batsy doesn' take me seriously enough.
Red Hood: 'Sometimes'?
Spoiler: 'Enough'?
Joker: ...
Red Hood: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk.
Chapter 12: Thanks
//Royal Robin and Spoiler have been captured by thugs. They are trapped in a cage with a high-tech lock.
Robin: How can you not pick it? You're supposed to be a tech person.
Spoiler: They took my tools, what am I supposed to hack it with? Unicorn wishes?
Robin: If a unicorn was here, we'd have much bigger issues than a lock.
Thug, coming back into room: Shuddup! There ain't no way you're getting outta 'ere, so-
A computer in the room flickers green, projecting a hologram of Riddler lounging on a couch, lazily twirling his staff
Riddler: Hello, scum of Gotham!
Thug: What the 'ell, how'd he--?
Riddler: Here's a new riddle for you: how long does it take to blow up all the smuggler's hordes in Gotham?
Explosions in the distance, one after another
Riddler, faux cheerfully: If you ever feel stupid or weak or powerless, just remember that I am not. -scowls darkly- I am out there, I am very dangerous, and I am looking for you. Good luck.
Thug: ...
Electric lock on cage fries
Spoiler, under her breath, as Robin deals with the thug: Thanks, Dad.
Chapter 13: Quack
My version of Kittyhawk can communicate with birds.
Selina: You spent your entire allowance on THIS??
Kitrina, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this, Mom.
---later---
Nightwing: There's nowhere to run, you might as well just let me arrest you.
Kittyhawk: I think my friends might have something to say about that.
Nightwing: ?
Hundreds of loud quacks in the distance
Chapter 14: Both
//Right after their first meeting
Batman: I can't tell if you're a genius or incredibly arrogant.
Riddler: Well, on a good day, I'm both.
Chapter 15: Smoking
I'm a Batjokes shipper who loves the Batcat dynamic. So I found a different couple to switch it to (sorta).
Red Hood: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 'Cause you're smoking!
Kittyhawk: What?
Red Hood: Smoking. As in smoking hot?
Kittyhawk: I got that, but what does that have to do with falling from- wait...
Red Hood, panicking: Please don't misunderstand-
Kittyhawk: Are you calling me a demon!?
Red Hood: Well, I, uh... My brother-
Kittyhawk: That's the nicest compliment anyone's ever given me!
Red Hood: What.
Kittyhawk, grinning: I think you're intimidating and powerful too.
Red Hood: I can't decide whether to be worried about your issues or excited you're flirting back. I'm very confused.
Kittyhawk: Yeah, I tend to have that effect on people.
Chapter 16: Price
Am I the only one who thinks this quote works for Catra and DT as well???
Batman: Come on, Selina, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that.
Catwoman: Yes I can, dear. Fifty dollars.
Chapter 17: Happy
Robin: Ivy doesn't look very happy.
Scarecrow: That's her happy. She's just a bitch
Chapter 18: Stress
Riddler: What goes up but never comes down?
Goodfellow: The amount of stress you're bringing this city.
Chapter 19: Relax
Just about every single character: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.
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Comments carried over from AO3 (5)
These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.
That clears up Jason's part in the batjokes work! (Also lmn if the comments are bothering you, I just keep giggling over these and can't not comment when they don't have any yet.)
The comments are definitely not bothering me, thank you for asking! I actually like comments better than kudos. I'm glad you're enjoying these so much! 😊
Okay, but Ivy being the leader is a great idea!? Her and Batman being deadpan while trying to control the chaos around them is a duo I didn't know I needed.
In my mind, Joker's the one the public perceives as leader, while Ivy is actually the leader. Something about her just screams authority, and she knows it.
That something is probably being able to outglare the Batman ;)
Most likely. 😂
LMAO 💛💛💛
They're adorable!! 💜
Ikr?
Thank you. This was really entertaining
Glad you like it 😊
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