34 sparksChapter 1
//before Harleen became Harley, Joker's been brought into her office.
Dr Harleen Quinzel: Patient J? Are you okay?
Joker, going through a mood swing, not even bothering to fake a smile: Yes.
Harleen: It's just, you don't really look okay...
Joker: Den stop lookin', Doctor Q. We don' have an appointment today, why am I here?
Harleen: There are some police officers that wish to talk to you. They think you might have information on another criminal.
Joker: -sighs deeply- Great. Who have I offended dis time, an' why in da world should I cooperate?
Harleen, pretending to look through her notes: Well... I could finally approve a comedy night in the rec room?
Joker: -grins and claps excitedly- DONE!
Harleen: -grins back-
Chapter 2: Did I Name The Last Chapter?
Harleen: J...
Joker: I can tell by da tone of yer voice dat yer disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint ya by affirming how liddle I give a fuck.
Harleen: -sighs and shakes her head-
Joker: -immediately breaks down- I'm sorry, dat was mean. I'll nevah do it or da other t'ing again. I promise!
Chapter 3: Unfazed
Dr Quinzel, leading a group therapy session: Oh, I forgot my notes. Okay, I'll be right back, so behave yourselves.
Edward, sarcastically: But however are we to know what's allowed or not if we aren't to be rigorously watched every single second?
Dr Quinzel, pointing at Joker: -unfazed- If it makes him laugh for longer than fifteen seconds, you are to assume you aren't allowed to do it. -leaves-
Jonathan: I taught her well.
Chapter 4: Unrequited Love
Harleen, during a brief crush: We should be partners.
Joker, excited: Ya mean, like, partners in crime?
Harleen: Um... Yeah, that's precisely what I meant! -laughs nervously-
Chapter 5: Naming Chapters Is Hard Right Now
Harleen: I never tell people I'm bi right off the ba- when I first meet them; I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like 'you know I'm bi, right?' and watch the look of terror on their face.
Joker: ...
Joker: I like you.
Chapter 6: Halloween
//During a brief period when Harleen had a crush on him
Joker: Wha' d'ya wanna be for Holloween?
Dr Quinzel, slyly: Yours.
Joker: ...
Joker: ...Yeah, yer right, dat would be pretty scary.
Chapter 7: Um
Arkham Guard, knocking on the door: Joker, open up!
Joker: It all started when I was a kid...
Guard: That's not what I-
Harleen: Let him finish!
Chapter 8: I'm Here For You, Kid
Joker: Q, if ya evah feel stupid or weak or powerless, just remember dat I am not. I am out dere, I am very dangerous, an' I am lookin' out fer ya. Good luck.
Harleen: I appreciate it, J, but I don't think a performance review is really anything to get this worked up over.
Chapter 9: Joker Likes Animals
Harleen: You escaped your cell, destroyed the supply closet, and put the entire Asylum on lockdown, and you didn't even leave the front yard...
Harleen: ...to do THIS??!
Joker, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: Dey live outside. Dey need dis.
Harleen: ...
Harleen: You are strange, sweet, ridiculous man.
Chapter 10: Tell Me This Never Happened
Joker, running through the cafeteria: HEHEHEHA! I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull wit' seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl an' chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in da background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions at once an' fight my own SOUL!
Leland, to Harleen: Now do you understand why he isn't allowed to control his own diet?
Harleen, her eyes wide in shock: -nods mutely-
Chapter 11: Joker Is A Troll (So Is Harleen)
Harleen: And have you learned anything this Christmas, Patient J?
Joker: ...Not really.
Harleen: Nothing?
Joker: Tell ya one t'ing I've learnt -- Christmas: ultimately, commercial holiday.
Harleen, shocked: Seriously?
Joker: Who's da real winner at Christmas, Doc Q? Amazon. Dey have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves deliverin' iPads an' headphones. I ordered a toaster, an' it was on da doorstop five hours later! Do we need dat? It was $4.99! Fer a toaster! I mean, someone's bein' exploited dere.
Harleen: ...I guess you don't need any hot cocoa this year, then.
Joker: Wait, no, I like Christmas! Togetherness, family, blah blah blah. Hot choccy!
Chapter 12: I'm Normally Better At Chapter Names (I Hope)
Harleen, after coming back from her day off: J, how could you have possibly gotten into this much trouble in one day?
Joker: It... It didn' take me da whole day...
Chapter 13: Joker Tries To Cheer Harleen Up
Harleen: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Joker: Look Q, I understand dis is a tense situation, but let's watch da fuckin' language.
Harleen, not as stressed anymore: -giggles-
Chapter 14: Joker Decides To Mess With Harleen
Harleen: Now that Arkham is relaxing its inmate dress code, is there any specific clothing you want to request?
Joker: I like wearin' oversized sweaters. Not jus' 'cause dey're extremely comfy, but 'cause whenever da sleeves are really big, I get ta flop 'em around an' smack people.
Harleen: I... Don't think Doctor Leland would approve of that.
Joker: Oh. Well, hoodies with pockets are really great. I can fit like three sandwiches an' a grenade in dere an' my hands are still warm.
Harleen: You can't have anything with pockets.
Harleen, in her head: And now I know why.
Joker: Aww! ...Well, cloaks are pretty epic. Dey really need ta be brought back.
Harleen: ...
Joker: ...
Harleen: That doesn't sound too bad. I'll see what I can do.
Joker: Plus, if ya wear one, ya instantly look like a cool warlord who's about ta conquer da nine realms.
Harleen, scribbling down notes: Okay, no warm overclothes, got it.
Chapter 15: When Joker Decided That Harleen Had His Undying Loyalty And Affection
//A guard has brought Joker to Harleen's office.
Guard: Joker just said 'I have an appetite for destruction', then reached down and untied my shoe.
Harleen: -laughs way too hard-
Joker & Guard: -stare in shock-
Harleen: -keeps laughing-
Joker: -smiles adoringly-
Chapter 16: And How It All Ends
Hey, I'm just going to end this on something a little serious; in most the versions I write, Harley and Joker are both not abusive, while they originally BOTH were.
In the Animated Series (where Harley and their relationship were created), Harley:
* Beat Joker up with a baton while he was handcuffed.
* Tried to kill Joker.
* Had to be bodily restrained from attacking him.
* Pseudo-cheated on him with Ivy and kisses Batman while still dating Joker.
* Kept trying to get Joker to have sex after he'd expressed disinterest.
And Joker:
* Pushed her out a window.
* Lied to and manipulated her.
* Abandoned/betrayed her more than once.
* Generally manhandled her.
The two expressed some moments of protectiveness and playfulness, with Joker even finding Harley funny. They had at least one argument where both yelled at and blamed the other, with Harley expressing zero fear.
They were both abusive, but Joker's abuse was almost always played for drama, while Harley's abuse was always played for laughs. Neither was okay, but Harley's behaviour keeps getting swept under the rug, while Joker is rightfully being called out.
When writing a BTAS-inspired abusive Joker/Harley dynamic, please remember that Harley was abused AND the ABUSER. Joker was the abuser AND he was ABUSED.
Joker: Ya look really stressed.
Harleen, who's covering for five different coworkers while as well dealing with a bunch of new inmates and her own slip into insanity: -high pitched laugh- It's da stress. -more stressed out giggling-
Joker: ...Okay, we're gettin' ya outta here.
Harleen: W-what?
Joker: I was gonna do dis secretly, but ya wanna help me break out?
Harleen: ...
Harley, quietly: Yes, please.
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Comments carried over from AO3 (9)
These were left on the original AO3 posting and are shown as they appeared there.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Go Harley!!
LMAO
Dr Quinzel has been trying to get him to talk about his feelings for weeks. She is completely willing to use a joke to her advantage.
It is the most effective method when it comes to him, lol.
Awww
Most quantum physicists get stuck around dimension ELEVEN.
Joker, I mean this in the nicest way: what the heck!?!?!?!!?
Well, he is both insane and capable of perceiving the fourth wall, so who knows?
They could also give him the sweater and just tie it like a straightjacket if he starts slapping people. He'd probably think it's hilarious.
Oh, he'd definitely think it's hilarious.
💙💙💙💙💙💙
I haven't seen much real DC stuff, so good to know! This was all adorable. (This is a really good ending spot, but I think you forgot to mark the work as complete.)
I did forget, thanks for pointing it out. 😊
Oh stars, I completely forgot I added a rant to this. 😂
It's a really good and informative rant though!
Glad you liked it, then.
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