B Team

Chapter 1: The Skit That Created A New Ship For Me Forever

Garfield: Do you want to help me commit arson?

Roxy, looking frantically around for an Arkham guard: Dude, what the hell?!

Garfield: Oh, my bad, sorry. -whispers- Do you want to help me commit arson?

Roxy, whispering back: Of course. What do you need?

Chapter 2: Wee-Woo Thingy

Garfield: Do you know how to shut off a wee-woo thingy?

Xavier: A what?

Garfield: You know, it makes a wee-woo noise when you start up a nice fire? The wee-woo thingy.

Xavier: ...The fire alarm!?

Garfield: Oh, is that what it's called?

Xavier: Yes, you ignor- wait, why do you want to know how to shut one off?

Roxy, coming in carrying a broken fire alarm, covered in soot: Don't worry, Garf! I figured it out!

Xavier, running to grab the fire extinguisher: The moment I steal enough money, I'm getting my own place!

Chapter 3: I Don't Have Pupils

Firefly, about to do something dumb: Could you at least try not to roll your eyes at me?

Bookwyrm: My glasses hide my irises and pupils, you can't possibly see it if my eyes roll.

Roxy Rocket: You're still doing it, though.

Bookwyrm: Hmm... Touché.

Chapter 4: Explosions Are Fun

Roxy: So, I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured, or I can listen to Booky and not do the thing.

Garfield: Well, there's a clear right answer here.

Roxy: -proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke while Garfield cheers-

Chapter 5: Books And Fire Don't Mix

Roxy: I'm bored!

Garfield: Wanna set Arkham's library on fire?

Roxy: Sure!

Xavier, hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that lighter down! Guards!

Chapter 6: Barson

Roxy: Okay, what does A stand for?

Garfield: Arson.

Roxy: You're so good at this, Garf. Now B! What does B stand for?

Garfield: Uh... Bookwyrm yelling at me because I committed arson.

Xavier: -starts chuckling despite himself-

Roxy: What stands for C?

Garfield: That's easy! Commit arson.

Xavier: -full blown laughing fit-

Roxy: D!

Garfield: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson!

Xavier, through his laughter: What the hell has my life become?!

Chapter 7: Books Are Fun

//In the Arkham library

Garfield: -slams down a medium-sized book on pyrotechnics- I checked this out a couple weeks ago for a bit of intense studying.

Xavier, surrounded by five different 19-pound tomes: Wuss.

---alt---

//In their cell

Xavier, walking in with an armful of absolute doorstoppers of books: Hey, looks like the library got some new light reading materials!

Garfield: This is light?!

Xavier: -sadly- They only let me check out ten.

Chapter 8: But They're *My* Idiots

Xavier: I used to be a calm, laidback person.

Explosions, sirens, an elephant trumpeting.

Roxy and Garfield: -run into room, slam the door shut, lean their full body weights on it to hold it closed-

Xavier: Then I met these idiots.

Chapter 9: Cookies!!

Garfield: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for ten minutes, or 4,000 degrees for one minute.

Xavier: No, that's not how you make cookies-

Roxy: FLOOR IT!

Garfield: How about 4,000,000 degrees for one second?!?

Xavier: YOU'RE GOING TO BURN THE APARTMENT DOWN, WHY THE HELL DID I LET YOU NEAR A STOVE--

Garfield: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Roxy: DO IT!

Xavier: NO-

All: -scream-

Chapter 10: Roxy Is An Insane Bitch, But So Is Firefly

Roxy: Garfield is a perfect cinnamon scone who's never done anything wrong in his entire life!

Xavier: Never done anything wrong?! He set a city block on FIRE!

Roxy: Exactly!

Chapter 11: Money

Garfield: Can I borrow five dollars?

Xavier: If you're only borrowing it, does that mean you'll pay me back?

Garfield: Dude, of course!

Garfield: I mean, not directly, but with my affection and friendship.

Xavier: So that's a no.

Garfield: -looks sad-

Xavier: ...

Garfield: ...

Xavier, pulling out five dollars: Oh, fine.

Garfield: -cheers-

Chapter 12: Why Does No-One Ship Them?

Roxy: That's a crazy idea. Insane. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Garfield: You'll do it?

Roxy: Of course.

Chapter 13: Crispy

Garfield: If I make you breakfast in bed, a 'thank you' is all I need.

Garfield: Not all this 'you burnt down my house' business.

Chapter 14: Adorableness

//A heist hinges on Roxy doing a nearly-impossible stunt

Bookwyrm: You really believe in Roxy?

Firefly: I don't have to.

Roxy Rocket: -does stunt perfectly, thanks to her unflinching confidence-

Firefly: She believes in herself enough for the both of us! -grins proudly-

Chapter 15: Idiots

Garfield: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?

Roxy, whispering: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.

Xavier, not looking up from his book: Remove the last nine words of that sentence.

Chapter 16: Bookwyrm's A Nerd, He Knows *Every* Reference There Is

Garfield, to Roxy: If Booky doesn't say 'I'm king of the world' within five minutes of getting on that boat, I will give you my share of our next heist.

Xavier, within three minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Chapter 17: Date Night

Roxy: -heading out to see Garfield-

Xavier: Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Roxy: I think I crossed that line when I got a date!

Chapter 18: Sleep

Xavier: Sleep is the body's best safety mechanism.

Roxy: How so?

Xavier: It keeps me from panicking over what the hell you've done now for five hours.

Garfield: Five?

Xavier: I tend to have around three hours of nightmares about what the hell you might be up to.